tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78519140522229176132024-03-13T23:40:29.562-04:00My World Your NewsI may not know the news but I'll report it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-84993067865639407032013-09-22T01:10:00.002-04:002013-09-22T01:17:24.171-04:00Pelosi wants Boehner to give her Disco Barbie back!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PnJeNa0AMpU/Uj56XBLQIiI/AAAAAAAAAIc/Ykz0Ca0WYdc/s1600/Pelosi-Boehner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PnJeNa0AMpU/Uj56XBLQIiI/AAAAAAAAAIc/Ykz0Ca0WYdc/s320/Pelosi-Boehner.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Boehner admits his first thought was just to hit Pelosi with the mallet<br />
but then thought taking her Barbie would give him more leverage.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The Obamacare debate has come to head in Washington D.C., as
Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner has stolen Democrat and Minority
Leader, Nancy Pelosi’s limited edition 1973 Disco Barbie.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Boehner has promised he will cut off the Barbie doll’s head if
Obamacare is not repealed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I have her Disco Barbie and I am prepared to use my G.I.
Joe issued army knife to dismember her if Obamacare continues as planned,” Boehner
said. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Pelosi received a cut and paste ransom note from Boehner
informing her of the hostage situation. She vows she will not sit back and
take this blatant and ruthless threat.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I am giving Boehner five days to give me my Barbie back or
I’m telling Obama and you just wait Mr. Speaker of the House because you’re
going to get it,” Pelosi said. “I’ve already told Biden, and he is very upset
with this situation.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Biden confirmed his knowledge of the Barbie hostage. Pelosi
came to him Barbie-less and in tears on Friday.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Biden is very disappointed in Boehner and commented on the
Ohio republican knowing better.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I took Boehner aside and said he needs to give Barbie back
to Pelosi because she’s a nice girl and this isn’t how we treat nice girls in
our neighborhood. I went on to say this is not how we get what we want,” Biden
said. “Boehner responded with an ‘I don’t want to.’”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Boehner then reportedly stuck his tongue out at Biden. Biden
told him his actions are “mean”.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Boehner then looked me in the eye and said, ‘I know you are
but what am I?’ It was a question I was unprepared for,” Biden said. “I just
looked at him and said, ‘You just wait until Obama gets home young man. I’m
going to tell him everything. You won’t be smirking then, will you?’”</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-81plWjMsfOI/Uj57Ha4DXXI/AAAAAAAAAIk/sxhxbI6extc/s1600/3181441803_d12bbc9e0e_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-81plWjMsfOI/Uj57Ha4DXXI/AAAAAAAAAIk/sxhxbI6extc/s320/3181441803_d12bbc9e0e_z.jpg" width="269" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pelosi received this Polaroid along with a ransom note. <br />
Pelosi said not to be fooled by Barbie's smile as she <br />
can feel her pain.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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The fight over Obamacare’s implementation still continues as
Pelosi patiently waits to be reunited with Disco Barbie. She gave her final
pleas on The Capitol steps yesterday afternoon.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Ken is worried about Barbie,” Pelosi said. “Enough with the
games Boehner, you’re hurting me and the whole Barbie Disco Kingdom. Barbie was
set to be crowned Disco Dancing Queen, but you had to go and ruin the whole
thing. The dance has now been cancelled.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Pelosi’s Justice Sandra O’Connor limited edition Barbie gave
a court order to Boehner after the press conference to return Disco Barbie
immediately.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Obama had this to say about the hostage crisis at hand.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I had a heart to heart discussion with Boehner where I told
him how disappointed I am in him and how I know he didn’t mean to take Pelosi’s
Barbie. It was simply a misunderstanding that got out of hand,” Obama said. “I
told him he was a good boy and I know he will rectify the situation soon.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Obama said he doesn’t like being the hard one on his
Congress. He knows they are all in this together and they will all learn as
they grow.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I don’t like to be the tough one, but someone has to,”
Obama stated. “Although Boehner should be warned, if I find out little Miss
Pelosi did not receive her doll back, I will have to take out the old belt and no
one wants it to come to that.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Boehner has not mentioned the talk with Obama but did not
seem to show remorse over taking the Barbie without permission. He only had
this to say, “Pelosi and the democrats started it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-70882406129364246092013-04-05T10:02:00.000-04:002013-04-05T17:32:51.879-04:00Women not human, science claims<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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LIZZIE BIBBS<br />
Science and Mankind Review<o:p></o:p></div>
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Scientists have released a study which proves women are not
humans but a mythical, supernatural being whose sole purpose is to seduce
mankind and eventually take over the world. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MyS87QW6X2s/UV7cOtQIDMI/AAAAAAAAAHk/UgJWmKf7Y8Y/s1600/1-1266409857RRS3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MyS87QW6X2s/UV7cOtQIDMI/AAAAAAAAAHk/UgJWmKf7Y8Y/s400/1-1266409857RRS3.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Doctor Richard VanSmute has determined no matter how cute</span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">and inocent women may look, they are soul sucking vampires.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
“There’s a reason women were put in their place for so long,”
Doctor Richard VanSmute, head of the study said. “They’re like vampires except
instead of blood, they suck your soul. They’re soul sucking vampires.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The study is considered to be the most comprehensive report
ever published on the subject of women.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“We have determined women are more demon than human,”
VanSmute said. “I ask you, what other creature can bleed for seven days
straight and not die?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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VanSmute studied other animals and found most would die
within the second or third day.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“We found with the amount of blood a women bleeds, they
should be dead long before the seven days are up. Most monkeys died within the
first five hours and men died within a day,” VanSmute said. “We are pretty sure
the only way to kill a woman is by stabbing her in the heart.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The study also shows how women use their puppy eyes and
tears to manipulate the souls of men.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“We saw through the use of tears, eyes and even a quick
flash of cleavage men are left astray,” VanSmute said. “If we don’t watch out,
they really will change the world as we know it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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VanSmute began the study 12 years after a nasty divorce with
his wife.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“After she cheated on me with my best friend, took
everything I ever loved and half of all my assets, I thought she must not have
a soul,” VanSmute said. “Although it’ll be a few more years until we determine
where and if the soul lies in a women but I think the study does show something
terribly inhuman about these creatures.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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After recent claims of Obama and even the pope being the
Anti-Christ, VanSmute is sure the Anti-Christ will be a woman.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“The Anti-Christ won’t be in a suit in tie,” VanSmute said. “Mark
my words, the Anti-Christ will be packaged in lipstick, high heels and a nice
rack. In fact I am fairly positive the Anti-Christ might be the entire women
race.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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VanSmute would like to put the whole world on red alert against
women to keep the apocalypse at bay.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I am on the fight to not only put women back in the kitchen
but in cages,” VanSmute said. “It’s the only way to maintain a future for the
planet Earth.”<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-30127995575254329042013-03-15T13:03:00.000-04:002013-03-17T10:34:28.683-04:00God said he could end the world if Jesus would learn to use a sword<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">LIZZIE BIBBS</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Apocalypto Times<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It seems as if every decade, another “End of the World” following begins. If it’s not a Jonestown cult, it’s the year 2000 or December 21, 2012. Yet each date has passed and as long you were not a member of the Heaven’s Gate or a similar cult following, the world is still spinning.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">However God admits he’s been ready for the apocalypse for over 100 hundred years but it is Jesus who keeps holding him back.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“Jesus is supposed to be the leader of the apocalypse with his sword, but my son will not learn how to proper carry and use a sword,” God said.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Jesus said he does not see the point of learning how use a sword as it is no longer a cool form of weaponry unless you are filming a Tolkien movie.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“We’ve moved past the Middle Ages quite some time ago,” Jesus said. “We have guns and cannons and tanks now dad. Why in your name would I ever carry a sword? Get with the times.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">God is frustrated as Jesus has consistently missed his fencing and swordsmanship classes.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“I pay for these classes and he’s consistently hours late if he shows up at all. I’m not asking for much,” God said. “I’m trying to save the Christians here. Get your ass in gear already.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Jesus does not understand how carrying a sword is scary anymore or even a sign of power.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“I’ll be the laughing stock of Earth as I’m on my white horse with a double edged sword. I'll look around to see military tanks and assault rifles pointed my way," Jesus said. "I’ll last two seconds down there and the people of Earth will have to await a third coming.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">God is sure Jesus is just adamant on defying him.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“He hasn’t rode a horse in months,” God said. “Powder-puff is just grazing in the fields saddle less. The last time Jesus rode a horse he almost fell off.”</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">For Jesus the whole apocalypse scenario is severely outdated. From the horse down to the sword, Jesus thinks the story needs a reboot.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“I would like my second coming to include an Apache Helicopter and a bazooka,” Jesus said.</span></div>
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">God rolled his eyes as he heard his son’s description.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“This is why I am the Lord and he is merely my son,” God said.
“Sure he knows a few magic tricks but I am the brains of this operation. It’s a
sword, period.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">God said he cannot go back on his word as the prophets have already
written the story of Jesus’ second coming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“John clearly wrote in Revelation that Jesus would come with
a double edged sword and come with a double edged sword he will,” God said. "Come with a double edged sword, he will."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Jesus said the prophets are from an age where fire was still
a new invention.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“Come on,” Jesus said. “I also told everyone I was going to
the Prince of Peace and here I come with a double edged sword to save a few
Christians. The word’s not exactly written in stone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In the end Jesus has accepted his contradictions of
teachings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“I’m not complaining but it does seem a tad bit hypocritical,”
Jesus said. “I did initiate the golden rule but if I’m going to break my promise,
I want to look like a Bruce Willis character, not a Monty Python sketch.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">However, God is growing impatient and can no longer hold his anger inside.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">"In the old days, I would just demolish Babylon or go all holocaust on civilians and all that aggression would simply disapear," God said. "Then I killed my son and held my anger in for over two milleniums. I just don't how much longer I can do this."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">God said he had summoned enough anger to end the world by
the American Civil War and had anticipated Jesus riding in with General Ulysses
S. Grant at Fort Donelson.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“It was to be a majestic end of the world, the freeing of
the slaves and then a big bang of apocalyptic grandeur,” God said. “I’m just
frustrated. It’s a sword and he’s had over 2,000 years to learn.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">God’s simmer has now come to an over boil.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“The anger is in the pit of my stomach and for everyday
Jesus puts off learning the sword, the more it grows,” God said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">God claims he now has enough aggression to completely
destroy the Earth, Jupiter and half of Mars which is why he is urging Jesus to
become a master swordsman.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">“If I don’t destroy the world soon, some angels might lose
their wings,” God said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-67059234506982963592013-02-18T22:10:00.001-05:002013-02-18T22:25:50.581-05:00Extreme couponers slash prices, medical style<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Slice of Life Medical Journal<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Local hospitals are experiencing an overload of extreme couponers
making their way to the Emergency Room to cash in on discounts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“We have at least 20 more patients a day than usual,” George
Mackey, an Emergency Room doctor at Mercy West Hospital in Cleveland, said.
“They come in with binders in hand and medical requests ready. It’s actually
kind of annoying but you know, we’re professionals, we deal with nuts all the
time, just not at this capacity.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u11m13gZcsk/USLs5FReGJI/AAAAAAAAAHU/KTuIwLPe_jc/s1600/th.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u11m13gZcsk/USLs5FReGJI/AAAAAAAAAHU/KTuIwLPe_jc/s1600/th.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Couponers have founded a new place besides <br />
their local groceries stores to cash in.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">The couponers have been coming with coupons ranging from $50 off
stitches to free kidney transplants.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“I brought in five $100 dollars off coupons for any injury which
requires a cast,” Andrea Finley, an extreme couponer said. “With my insurance
and the coupons, I had them cast my broken arm and my son’s and then I got $20
back.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">When asked how they received their injuries, Finley only had three
words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“With a hammer,” Finley said. “Those coupons were going to expire
within the month. So I told my son Toby to get the hammer because we’re cashing
in.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Finley admitted it was painful but just like beauty, sometimes
cash comes with pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“The worst part was waiting for ambulance to come,” Finley said.
“But with my buy one get one free coupon for riding the ambulance, we paid half
price.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">However even after Finley’s arm was tended to, she was not through
yet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“I told them I’m not leaving the hospital until they take out one
of my kidneys,” Finley said. “There is a $10,000 off coupon for a kidney
operation and with my insurance’s double coupon policy, I get $20,000 off. So I
told them to take one out. I don’t need both to live.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">After this trip to the hospital, Finley will not be back for at
least another six months.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“I will be spending my time eating all the junk food and candy I
can find,” Finley said. “I have a gastric bypass surgery coupon I have to use
up by the end of this year. Who knows, if I can get my hands on a few more, I
might have enough for my whole family.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Another extreme couponer Brian Jeffries came into Mercy West's ER
with a gunshot wound to his left thigh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“It was self-inflicted but worth it all since I’m getting $300 off
the stitches and another $200 if they dig out the bullet,” Jeffries said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Although the bullet was taken out without any other complications,
Jeffries requested the doctors to place a breathing tube down his throat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“I get $50 back with the ten breathing tube coupons I have
collected,” Jeffries said. “Even if it takes all night, I will not leave until
they shove that tube down my throat. I mean it’s $50 who wouldn’t take
advantage of it?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Jeffries remembers a time when a trip to the hospital would break
the bank but now he can make frequent trips and get the bang for his buck.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“I use to make one trip a year to the hospital and it would take
me all the next year to pay off the visit. Now I can make weekly trips and
receive cash back,” Jeffries said. “It’s all about doing your research and
knowing the prime season for injuries.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Jeffries spends seven hours a day looking for medical coupons and
has highlighted his calendar for monthly discounts at his local doctors and
hospitals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“Next week I’ll be traveling down the road to Saint Anthony’s
Hospital. They’re offering discounted prostrate exams and I have a coupon for
75 percent off,” Jeffries said. “Guess who will be making another $10 next
week?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Mercy West and many other area hospitals are now considering
adding an extra ward just for couponers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">“We figure we’ll just add on to our psych ward and place all our
interns on duty in that area of the hospitals,” Mackey said. “I mean no real
doctor actually wants to work on these patients and they’ll give the interns
plenty of practice.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-3452178150142042692012-12-11T12:05:00.000-05:002012-12-11T12:09:12.901-05:00Kris Kringle not having a wonderful Christmastime after charged with stalking<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ropvvHLu4uY/UMdmqzjq1bI/AAAAAAAAAG4/F2XYOUuQKUI/s1600/Santaarrested.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="481" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ropvvHLu4uY/UMdmqzjq1bI/AAAAAAAAAG4/F2XYOUuQKUI/s640/Santaarrested.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kris Kringle was arrested outside of his North Pole Estate late yesterday morning after a worldwide stalking operation was discovered. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Holiday Press<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kris Kringle has been arrested outside his North Pole mansion
for stalking young children throughout the United States and the world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) found surveillance
videos of over 30 million children and furthermore found spying elves working
for Santa in over 10 million houses across The United States, Canada and the
United Kingdom.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The pervert was watching children all day long,” FBI agent,
George Stell said. “We found surveillance cameras on children’s book bags, in
closets and all through people’s houses. We even found a camera in a first
grade classroom in Santa Monica, California”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stell encourages anyone with a child to search their house
for these cameras and even for elves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We have no idea the span of his operation but we think
there is potential for every child in the world to have some sort of
surveillance,” Stell said. “We even found these pint sized elves he calls Buddy
spying on children and creeping around people’s houses.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of those elves was found in a house belonging to Selma
Washington, a mother of two.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I opened up our cupboard where we keep the cereal when I
saw a box of Captain Crunch toppled over and it was moving,” Washington said.
“When I took a closer look I saw these skinny little legs peeking out.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Washington, in a state of panic, screamed which scared the
Buddy and he began to run from her.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I picked up a butcher knife and proceeded after him,”
Washington said. “Thought the bugger was fast and he managed to get away.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Washington is now terrified Buddy will return.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No one is safe,” Washington said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nine year old, Betsy Johnson had a similar experience though
it was not with a Buddy elf but rather with Kringle himself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I was sleeping when I woke up because it felt like someone
was watching me in my sleep,” Johnson said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Johnson awoke to Kringle staring at her through her window.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He was in our tree,” Johnson said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Johnson said once Kringle realized he had been caught, he
quickly left the scene without saying a word.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and
away they all flew like the down of a thistle.” Johnson said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was Johnson’s description which enabled police to catch
Kringle.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The Johnson girl described Kringle as cheeks like roses, a
nose like a cherry,” Stell said. “She also decribed his mouth as droll and drawn
up like a bow and the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Johnson also described his girth as a “little round belly
that shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kringle’s public relations manager released this statement.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Kringle was simply monitoring the children of the world and
making lists of who was naughty and nice,” the statement said. “No harm was
ever intended or were the tapes to be seen by anyone beyond the walls of his
workshop.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The complete list of boys and girls was found on Kringle’s
hard drive.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stell commented on how amazed he was at Kringle’s
organization skills. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We found list of children with all their good deeds and
mean spirited actions described in detail. We’re talking about a full year
worth of logs,” Stell said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stell took notice of most children being under the age of 12 with a a few hundred between the ages of 13 to 14 and an even slimmer margin of 15 and above. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kringle also seemed to only watch gentile boys and
girls.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The list were quite strange as most the children were
Christian and we also found a hand written list in his desk labeled ‘Jewish’,”
Stell said. “However these children were not differentiated from naughty and
nice.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stell warns all parents to keep an eye on their children
this season as although the cameras have been disabled, many more Buddy elves
may be on the loose.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I warn everyone out there Kris Kringle’s mob is coming to
town and they sees when you are sleeping and knows when you’re awake,” Stell
said. “We caught the head honcho but the extent of his operation has yet to be
seen.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kringle is set to be arraigned later this week. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’ve seen many stalkers in my day but this guy takes
stalking to a whole new level,” Stell concluded. “I’m just glad this man is off
our streets.”<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-12918705652923648762012-12-05T12:02:00.002-05:002012-12-05T12:34:48.658-05:00Pope gives new manger scene regulations <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Vatican Chronicle <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After Pope Benedict XVI’s spoke out against animals being
placed in manger scenes a few weeks ago, Benedict is now preparing to hand
pamphlets out to Catholic Churches worldwide, on how the manger should be set
up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“The Bible does not say that animals were present at the
birth of Jesus,” Benedict said. “There were no cattle or horses. The donkey
Mary and Joseph rode in was placed outside. Nobody wants a jackass near them
during labor.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Some have wondered what happened to the animals of the patrons at the inn.</span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TGlyVu7VopM/UL99qYv2BzI/AAAAAAAAAGo/zMHgTbzSX54/s1600/04567_Christmas_nativity_scene_at_the_Franciscan_church_in_Sanok,_2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TGlyVu7VopM/UL99qYv2BzI/AAAAAAAAAGo/zMHgTbzSX54/s320/04567_Christmas_nativity_scene_at_the_Franciscan_church_in_Sanok,_2010.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">courtesy of www.commons.wikimedia.org</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">The animals in this manger scene is just the beginning of errors according to </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;">Pope Benedict XVI.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"God kicked them out," Benedict said. "God had to make room for his son. Besides it's not like animals have souls or anything."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The pope goes further and says all reminisce of snow should
also be removed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Bethlehem sits on the edge of the<span style="font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"> Judean
Desert. You should place your manger in sand,” Benedict said. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Also Benedict commented on manger scene hay being too clean.
Even if Jesus was an easy birth, Mary would have bled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“She was a virgin giving birth. I may not know too much
about the process of giving birth but I do know blood and afterbirth is
involved,” Benedict said. “I’ve seen a few movies in my time. It’s never a
pretty scene.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In response to this issue, Vatican will be selling blessed
fake blood and bits of placenta to place on the hay of any home, public or
church manger scene.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“The splatter of blood and placenta will really bring
authenticity to your manger and to Christmas this year,” Benedict said. “Also
it should be only blessed blood placed in the manger since it will be the blood
of the Blessed Virgin.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another major flaw on traditional mangers is most having a
whole wall that has been removed. The pope is particularly upset with this as
most mangers have four walls not three and an opening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“They would have been freezing,” Benedict said. “No way did
the manger only have three walls. For one thing it would not have been
structurally sound and who would place their animal in a three walled building
overnight? No one with a brain that’s for sure.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Finally the pope pointed out there should be no wise men in
your manger until at least twelve days after Christmas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“The wise men were late,” Benedict said. “Doesn’t anyone
read their bibles anymore? They should not be in the scene for Christmas.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Benedict said they can be across the room from the home
manger scene or in another area of the park or church or wherever else the
manger might be placed but under no circumstance should they appear by Jesus
until January 6.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“It’s all about the details,” Benedict said. “How can you
truly honor what Christmas is all about if you have all the facts and details
wrong in your manger scene?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Benedict also has a beef with many Christmas carols and will
be releasing another pamphlet next week detailing which songs should be left
out of your Christmas celebrations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“There was no drummer boy at the scene of Jesus Christ’s
brith,” Benedict said. “No one invites a drummer to see a newborn baby. What are
we trying to do scare the son of God mere minutes after birth? He’ll be scared
enough in about another 33 years or so.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-81098042218134630942012-11-21T17:09:00.001-05:002012-11-21T17:10:06.268-05:00Pilgrims won first Thanksgiving football game in 1621<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBBS<br />
Plymouth Rock Press<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As turkey, potatoes and pumpkin pie is finished at the dinner
table this Thanksgiving, many will get ready to cheer their favorite football teams as they take the
field. America will scream and shout at the television in their half-awake in
their food induced comas.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many think of the Thanksgiving football game as a 20th
century addition to the holiday but historian Bruce Furgison has found
documents depicting football being played at the first Thanksgiving in 1621.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Isaiah Smith writes in his diary of the game, pilgrims
versus Indians in a knuckle to knuckle head butting battle,” Furgison said. “There
are other findings as well such as Indian folklore which tells of a shirt
versus skins game with an irregular shaped ball.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A schoolbook from 1640 also tells the story of the Indians
and pilgrims football game.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It was a delightful meal of eel and corn and fowl and of
course it all ended with a man versus savage all bets in game of American
football,” the book reads.<o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uhhI_-pktmc/UK1Qoq23nMI/AAAAAAAAAGY/suulyOkBvgo/s1600/turkey-football-beijing1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uhhI_-pktmc/UK1Qoq23nMI/AAAAAAAAAGY/suulyOkBvgo/s400/turkey-football-beijing1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><h4>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">A recreation of how the first Thanksgiving football might have looked in 1621</span></h4>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Thanksgiving football game is a time honored tradition
and it is no coincidence that the base of a turkey resembles a football.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The pilgrims used the turkey as the first football,”
Furgison said. “It was a lot heavier than the traditional football used today
and the skin was very delicate.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The natives told stories of the skin falling to the ground
creating a hazard on the field.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Once the pilgrim saw the skin was slippery, they would
throw the skin off to trip those of us in their tracks,” a native reported a
few years later to the Plymouth Rock Free Times. “I still to this day do not
understand how this was not a foul.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The game was brutal with pilgrims only equipped with cloth
hats and their short shorts and the natives shirtless, no one had it easy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The natives called the pilgrims sissy boys for wearing such
short knickers,” Furgison said. “The pilgrims were not known for their sense of
humor so they never had a comeback except for the occasional savage line.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first Thanksgiving is also the first record of a
halftime show. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It was the first ever halftime show as the pilgrims and
Indians ran off the field because of a bear interference,” Furgison said. “The
bear roamed the field for a half hour straight and both teams noted the small
break was a good time to regroup.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
According to Smith’s diary, the game last about an hour and
half and the final score was 35 to 10 with the pilgrims winning.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The Indians were not all too familiar with the game and surprisingly
neither were the pilgrims,” Furgison said. “In fact it is the first and last
game the pilgrims ever won because as soon as the slave trade came to the
colonies, the pilgrims didn’t stand a chance.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a prize the pilgrims claimed the land, the right to
slaughter natives and of course they retained bragging rights.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Everyone thinks of Thanksgiving as a feast to celebrate
unity when in fact is was a celebration of winning the first American football
game,” Furgison said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The pilgrims and colonists would continue their celebration
of the win for years with celebrations and raids of thanks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 1641, after having a holocaust-esq raid on the Pequot
tribe in Connecticut, the churches declared a day of thanksgiving to celebrate.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“During this feast, the decapitated heads of Natives were
kicked through the streets of Manhatten of course each head wore its own
helmet,” Furgison said. “One lucky head was shaped into a football and used as
the official game ball.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though the pilgrims had the overall win, the Indians did get
a consolation prize which would be passed down for generations or at least
until the last man in their tribe was wiped out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The pilgrims were nice enough to give the Indians blankets
to keep them warm during the winter,” Furgison said. “Of course these blankets
were riddled with Small Pox but that is just another minor detail in the epic first
ever Thanksgiving football game.”</div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-83258426210818250012012-10-12T09:45:00.001-04:002012-10-12T10:00:41.570-04:00God said humans are his biggest mistake<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Logistical Times<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For years the human race has declared God created everything
good but God is now saying he has made mistakes in his creation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I would say most everything I created is good except for
humans,” God said. “Man I really screwed the pooch while making those things.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God said he would change a few design flaws found on humans
if he were to recreate the world again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I would cover them in fur,” God said. “There is one thing
that I have learned, fur makes any animal cute. Look at a shaved dog, it’s not
so appealing but cover that dog in fur and you’ve got Lassie.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God thought hair would make do for fur but he has now seen
it is more maintenance and is weird and patchy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hair is bizarre. I thought it would be nice new design in
creation. Boy was I wrong,” God said. “For women it’s this weird ever growing
fountain on their head and a nuisance everywhere else and for men it’s their
heads and faces. It looks ridiculous.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However if God could only make one correction, it would be
within the human brain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Why I gave humans logic is beyond me,” God said. “I mean I
gave them the exact tool to dispute me. I should have left them at a mind of
three year old.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God said logic is ruining his life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s logic that explains evolution and science,” God said.
“It’s logic which makes people want to sleep in on Sunday instead of spending
at least an hour worshiping me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For God, logic is the number one reason people stop
believing in him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“If it wasn’t for logic people would still be doing animal
and family sacrifices to me,” God said. “Once logic got into the picture, it
was only me who was willing to sacrifice my only son.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God said when he really thinks about it all, humans are
probably his biggest mistake and adding logic to the equation was just adding
to the fire of the human race. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Logic has destroyed me while the lack of logic is
destroying my planet,” God said. “I mean many who believe in me also believe in destroying
a mountain for a few pieces of carbon. Hey dipshits, those mountains were hard
to make. Do you really think I’ll be happy if you destroy them?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God said logic has put the world in a Catch 22 situation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You need to destroy all logic to worship me and therefore all
logical ways to stop the planet from deconstructing is only seen as a hippie
anti-God campaign,” God said. “I really fucked up with the human race. Giving
them opposable thumbs was a big mistake.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once the end of the world comes, God said he is looking in
investing in a new planet of ignorant dogs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Who doesn’t like dogs?” God said. “They’re loyal, cuddly
and don’t have any fingers or thumbs. I originally was going to include cats
but then I thought who am I kidding, those bastards only worship themselves.”<o:p></o:p><br />
In conclusion God said he should not have rushed to make the world.<br />
"Can you really create perfection in seven days? I should of taken a month," God said. </div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-14497711313468205022012-10-04T12:49:00.000-04:002012-10-04T15:46:05.633-04:00Oscar the Grouch speaks of Big Bird in China<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBBS</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sesame Street Journal</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 1983, Big Bird never knew his diplomatic trip to China
would come back to haunt him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During Tuesday’s presidential debate, Mitt Romney said he would
cut funds to PBS in order to stop drawing funds from China.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m not going to keep spending money on things to borrow
money from China to pay for it,” Romney said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now Big Bird is forced to explain his dealing with the Chinese
in the 1980s and just what was he doing on the Great Wall with a little Chinese
girl.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oscar the Grouch is now releasing the footage of Big Bird in
China as a way to try and save his job.<o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wIaAk0ASAYg/UG27hy4lvCI/AAAAAAAAAGI/jKx1F7ZQxfY/s1600/50345294.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wIaAk0ASAYg/UG27hy4lvCI/AAAAAAAAAGI/jKx1F7ZQxfY/s1600/50345294.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Big Bird is seen here on the Great Wall of China in 1983.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Romney is trying to cut ties with China and we have footage
of Big Bird in China shaking hands and dancing with a monkey king and talking to Chinese
schoolchildren,” Grouch said. “It’s no
wonder he’s threatening to take our jobs away.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grouch believes Big Bird was making deals with the Chinese in
order to fund his national syndicated television show, Sesame Street.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t have proof of Big Bird’s dealing but how else can
you explain our longevity? I never thought the show would last more than two
episodes,” Grouch said. “I mean really what do we do? We yell out numbers and
letters all damn day. Well here’s a letter of the day for you Big Bird, E for
eviction.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grouch is also accusing Big Bird of having communistic ties.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He may not be a red bird, but Big Bird is definitely a
communist,” Grouch said.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grouch said Big Bird went to China in order to fund their
regular scheduled program.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“There’s no way we could compete once cable got into the
picture,” Brust said. “We needed Chinese funding to keep us in the ratings.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grouch has footage of Big Bird traveling throughout the
Asian countryside and has released it to the media.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Big Bird released a statement earlier this afternoon saying
his trip to China was purely educational and the footage of him in China has
been available for years.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I haven’t been hiding anything,” Big Bird said. “That
footage was shown on the television right after I made the trip.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grouch says the footage has been altered and edited and he
would like an untouched copy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“That bird is hiding something,” Grouch said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the footage, Big Bird is seen learning Chinese and going to Chinese public school.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It seems everyone on Sesame Street was in favor or Big Bird’s
trip to China except for Grouch.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Take my advice don’t eat the rice,” Grouch told Big Bird
before he left.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grouch did not trust the Chinese and did not want to be
stuck in any deals with the country.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I told that dumb bird not to go,” Grouch said. “All I have
is a trashcan and I might not even have that if this Romney guy gets elected. Thanks
a lot Big Bird.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grouch said he is now in survivor mode and it is every
muppet for themselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“All I want is to ensure I won’t have to go looking for a
new trashcan anytime in the near future,” Grouch said. “Go ahead cancel the
show but leave my can alone.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Big Bird said he thinks every culture should be respected
and his trip was a way to bridge a gap between China and the United States.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s all communist talk,” Grouch said. “Can you ever really
trust a bird of that size? It’s unnatural. Fire the bird keep the guy in the
trashcan.”<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-7158718432468029122012-09-26T12:32:00.000-04:002012-09-26T12:46:44.259-04:00Jesus’ teenage love notes found<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Ancient Times<o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4MjYUewTuBA/UGMq1E2WCVI/AAAAAAAAAF4/64IRS_TdZE4/s1600/Ac.papyrus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4MjYUewTuBA/UGMq1E2WCVI/AAAAAAAAAF4/64IRS_TdZE4/s320/Ac.papyrus.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">photo courtesy of www.knowledgerush.com</span>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="text-align: center;"></span></div>
One of Jesus' first love to Sarah notes is displayed up above. <br />
They are set to be released next month.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We know very little about Jesus’ teenage years but a recent
discovery of love notes in an old shoe box is giving insight to Jesus as a
hormonal male in ancient times.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The box is painted pink with purple hearts taped to it and
the words “Sarah and Jesus Forever” written in Hebrew on the top.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Historians are not sure who this Sarah is but speculate she
was the first girl to begin developing in her class.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We found an old high school year book which indicates Sarah
had begun her pubescent development far above and beyond the other girls in her
class,” Jerry George, a historian and archeologist at the dig said. “In short
let’s just say she had moved beyond the training bra by fifth grade.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The notes begin with a neatly written note to Jesus from
Sarah asking if he thinks the two should date with a, “Yes”, “No” and “Maybe”
circle option. Jesus circled “Yes” with a smiley face drawn beneath the circle.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The one thing the notes determine is Jesus was a love struck
teenager much like most boys at the age of 14 but with a poetic flare.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He wrote her many poems about his undying love for her,”
George said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the poems reads:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"I see you in the sunset<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And in my eyes at night<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With the wind you and me<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our love will last past this life<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Into eternity</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We're better together baby!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The last poem he sent to Sarah is loosely translated below:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Roses are Red<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Violets are Blue<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day I’ll die on a cross<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it’ll be all for you"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This poem seems to be the one which brought on Sarah and
Jesus’ breakup.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sarah wrote in response to the poem, “What does that mean?
You’ll die on a cross?!!! Seriously?!!! What does that mean?!!!!!! I think we
should break up.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sarah then asks Jesus never to speak to her again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s clear Sarah was freaked out by the poem and who wouldn’t
be? The cross wasn’t a nice symbol at the time and those who were crucified
were mostly people condemned by the Romans,” George said. “It’s like telling a
girl in today's world you’ll die by lethal injection for her.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though even with Sarah clearly wanting a break up, Jesus
kept writing her more notes and poems.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You are my everything. We can work this out baby. Just give
me one more chance I promise I will never mention crucifixion again. I know I just
mentioned it there again but that’s it. I’m done with it! I promise just come
back to me,” Jesus wrote. “We’re better together!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next letter dabbles deeper into his depression and the denial
of their breakup.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“My mother said I should give you a few more days to cool
down. So I will. This will be the last note you’ll get from me, ever. The next move
is all you,” Jesus wrote. “But seriously I love you. We should be together
forever.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It appears Jesus waited exactly one week before writing
Sarah again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s been a week since I last wrote you. Where are you? Did
my passenger pigeon bring it to the wrong house? Just respond to me so I know
you’re alright,” Jesus wrote.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This time Sarah did respond with a letter of her own.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Look Jesus, I got your letters and enough is enough. Stop wasting
your time and mine. Get over it. I’ve moved on and am happily dating Peter. He’s
the captain of the Gladiator Team and we’re getting married next month. I’ve
moved on so should you,” Sarah wrote.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was this note which brought Jesus out of his denial of
their breakup and his anger began.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You can really see Jesus go through the grieving stages
within these notes as his next series of notes were very hateful and angry,”
George said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus wrote his displeasure of Sarah and Peter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Fine date Peter. I hope the lions eat him,” Jesus said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus wrote more poems during this period riddle with swear
words and vengeance. One of his tamer poems reads:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"You said you'd always be there<br />
But now you're nowhere to be found<br />
I can't believe you left me<br />
I feel so low beneath the ground<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Die bitch!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The poem was written on paper with the words, “From the desktop of
Jesus Christ” at the top.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I would say with the amount of letters he wrote the whole relationship
lasted around a month and the notes and poems that followed were all written within
a six month time period,” George said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus eventually did move on with his last note reading, “Dearest
Sarah, I am sorry for my past actions. I have found a new girl now named Mary
(and no it’s not my mother). She is amazing and will love me forever unlike you.
Once I ask her out we will have a deeper and more meaningful relationship than you
and I ever had."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He goes on to describe Mary in detail using such adjectives
as, “smart”, “beautiful”, “nice” and “perky”.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He ends the letter with these final words, “So you see I’ve
moved on and I can only hope you have too.
Love, Jesus. P.S. I know you cheated on me with Peter, I will try and forgive
you eventually but there are no guarantees.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sarah wrote back one more time after this note was
received.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Jesus I’m glad you moved on. Like I said before so have I.
I am now pregnant with my first child and if you ever write to me again I will
file for a restraining order. You’re beyond creepy and I will never love you.
Also I’m sending all of your angry rants back to you. I would burn them but I feel you might find more pleasure in that,” Sarah wrote. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The full transcripts of Jesus and Sarah’s letters are set to
be released next month.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“These letters are full of passion, hate and love,” George
said. “It just goes to show a teenagers life is turbulent no matter what age,
place or time you live in.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-21298102611231140172012-08-30T22:59:00.000-04:002012-08-30T23:25:54.617-04:00Clint Eastwood talks to inanimate objects at RNC; doctor apologizes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E3viD8vOzNA/UEAn1wzWlwI/AAAAAAAAAFk/P7JYtoCPEPM/s1600/Eastwood.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E3viD8vOzNA/UEAn1wzWlwI/AAAAAAAAAFk/P7JYtoCPEPM/s320/Eastwood.JPG" width="280" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><h4 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: xx-small; font-weight: normal;">photo courtesy of Getty</span></h4>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Clint Eastwood addresses a chair he believes to be President Obama .</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hollywood Vindicator <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Clint Eastwood’s doctor apologized after subscribing him the
wrong medication which caused him to hallucinate President Barack Obama during
his speech at the Republican National Convention.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In fact Eastwood was talking to an empty chair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I was so surprise Obama agreed to come on stage with me,”
Eastwood said after making his speech. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eastwood stood in front of millions across the nation and
held a full conversation with the chair he thought was seated with Obama.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Some at the convention <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 16.5px;"> saw the act as a joke</span>.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I just thought what a character,” Josie Monaray, from
Augusta, Georgia, said. “I was laughing during most of his speech.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Others saw the true madness of Eastwood’s nature.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I whispered to my wife, I think he’s having a psychotic
episode,” John Frohn, a doctor himself from Houston, Texas, said. “She
whispered back to me, ‘No honey. He’s old. It’s Alzheimer’s’.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Robert Yessy, Eastwood’s doctor was embarrassed as he
realized his mistake. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I wrote the wrong prescription. I will take the blame for
what occurred at the RNC. I am ashamed,” Yessy said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
According to Yessy, he was trying experimental medications
on Eastwood, many which have work but this past time around; his pen got the
better of him as his handwriting was misread by a pharmacist.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I cannot tell you the exact medication which was subscribed
but I have later found the pharmacist mistook my T for a K and my E for A that made
all the difference,”Yessy said. “I’ve
been trying to get his psychosis under control for years and as he got on that
stage, he had crazy beaming from his eyes. I just thought, oh no.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before going on stage there were reports of Eastwood yelling
at people backstage.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He grabbed my shirt and pulled me close to his face and
asked me if I was a democratic spy,” Brandon VanHuet said. “He called me a
punk, threw me to the ground and kicked me. I feared for my life.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eastwood thought a group of men at the sound booth were a part of Obama’s secret service.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He asked me how it felt to be protecting a man who is
destroying our country,” Tim Gundy said. “I told him I didn’t know what he was
talking about and he said, ‘Oh you’re a liberal? Well Mr. Secret Service Boy it’s
nice to know some democrats have balls.’ I was highly confused and he just stared
me down and then walked away.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gus Furgan, a backstage crewmember reported seeing Eastwood
speaking to tables, chairs and even at one point the curtain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“There was a point he took the curtain and said wow you look
mighty good in red Mrs. Romney,” Furgan said. “After that he was talking with
Hilary Clinton for at least 15 minutes.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
According to Furgan, Clinton was actually a broom.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’ve never seen anyone manhandle a broom like that,” Furgan
said. “He took her to a back closet and I didn’t see him for the rest of the
night.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
David Gregory was the one who found Eastwood a few hours
later.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I opened the closet door and found Mr. Eastwood only in his
boxers,” Gregory said. “Wow now that was a surprise.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eastwood apparently with squinting eyes and a cigarette in
his mouth began quoting old movie lines, some of which were from characters he
portrayed and others were not.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He said, ‘Go ahead make my day’,” Gregory said. “Then he
looked at a broom which was on the ground, picked up his clothes and said. ‘Here’s
looking at you kid’.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yessy who had been looking for Eastwood for over five hours,
was notified as Eastwood sat backstage talking with an empty beer bottle or<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">Condoleezza</span></span> Rice as he would call it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Luckily he was pleased with that empty bottle of Coors,”
Gregory said. “He really took a liking to that bottle. I would say, that must
be his beer of choice.”<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-88275716604447840082012-08-24T14:37:00.001-04:002012-08-24T14:37:36.424-04:00Lizzie's hate mail tips<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
As election season comes to a head, the hate mail begins to flood in the news media’s gates.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
For those thinking about writing their hate filled rants to their local or perhaps national media outlet, you should keep a few tips in mind.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
The first thing you should do is edit your work. Most of the people who will be reading your letters are somewhat educated pupils and they will notice all of your double negatives, missing commas and incorrect verb usages.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
It always helps when someone else reads through your work and if you don’t have a sister, mother, brother, in-law or friend to review your work, reading it aloud can help deter many errors.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
When declaring a reporter a member of the liberal media, just state liberal media, do not add such adjectives as, Jewish, gay, lesbian, communist or Nazi.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
Which brings us to the next point, using communist and Nazi synonymously is not politically correct. You see my animosity filled readers, a communism is the left wing gone to the extreme economically speaking and Nazism is a political ideology more commonly associated with a fascist society, which by the way is a right wing government to the ultimate extreme, not left winged.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
A quick history lesson can depict a communist feeling towards Nazism; during World War II, Hitler fought against Stalin. There quick and easy, communism and Nazism not even close to the same ideology.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
Now that we’ve gotten through the definition section, let’s move on to citing your sources.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
If as a reporter, I must quote sources and at least partially research my article, I expect you to do so as well.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
Don’t just declare I have slept with the mayor and his wife without at least one reputable citation.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
For example, “Bartholomew, my schizophrenic neighbor, said you slept with the mayor and his wife during a rousing Monday night post-city council meeting” or “Herbert, the midget inside my head, said you are such a slut you have slept with everyone in council and then topped it off with a one night stand with the chief of police.”</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
If I were to read such a citation, I’d think, wow this guy really did his research. I myself half believe his story.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
My finally suggestion is to just sign your name. Please don’t add a “sincerely”, “cordially yours”, “yours truly” or “love” before your John Hancock. Doing so just makes you seem even more of a douche as it appears you are being ultra-sarcastic and patronizing.</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
Following these few simple tips will really up your game as you declare your anger towards that liberal, socialist and bitch of a reporter who even tries to write a story with another point of view others than yours or perhaps covers a story you find to be biasedly slanted; like the story written about those dogs dressed in brightly colored tutus (they were obviously gay).</div>
<div style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; padding: 0px;">
Happy hate-filled writing to you all! I look forward to reading your views in a more educated fashion. </div>
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-66689999353151987452012-08-14T14:17:00.000-04:002012-08-14T14:18:13.411-04:00Dead Sea Ultrasound reveals Jesus had a twin <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dead Sea Times<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus revealed today he was indeed a twin during his fetal
stages after an image of Mary’s first ultrasound was found in Egypt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“According to early ultrasounds, I was supposed to have a
fraternal twin sister but half way through the pregnancy she was no longer,”
Jesus said in a statement to the press.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The image of the twins was found by three Egyptians farmers
as they were tilling their soil and is now being deemed the “Dead Sea
Ultrasound”.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God admits he was hiding the ultrasound as it is a part of
his past he wished to remain a secret and he had ordered the image destroyed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I told those monks to destroy it but I guess you never can
trust a liberal to keep your lies a secret,” God said. “They always have a way
of undermining authority.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><h4>
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lOic8ix5uFs/UCqVWh4C-TI/AAAAAAAAAFU/N7AP6PUo1UY/s1600/blgalus40.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="260" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lOic8ix5uFs/UCqVWh4C-TI/AAAAAAAAAFU/N7AP6PUo1UY/s320/blgalus40.jpg" width="320" /></a></h4>
</td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><h4>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">The Dead Sea Ultrasound was found by Egyptian farmers and God has confirmed Jesus was indeed at one time a twin.</span></h4>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Doctors have yet to determine the cause of Jesus’ sister’s
early termination but say poor diet might have played a roll.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus tells another story.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Let’s face it there could only be one of us,” Jesus said.
“I won.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus says his sister’s existence was cut short after a
battle during prenatal stages.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“On my father’s requests, I disposed of her before she could
take to life,” Jesus said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God later confirmed Jesus’ statements.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“My initial thought was to have Mary give birth to both my
son and daughter and have a tag team type revival,” God said. “Jesus would
perform the miracles and my daughter would get me a nice dowry on which I would
fix the roof of my house and buy an upstanding donkey and use the rest to start
the building of the Vatican.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God had made plans with Lucifer to marry his daughter at the
ripe age of 14 but later rethought his whole plan. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Then I came to my
senses. Let’s face it, the money would be nice but having a daughter would
totally ruin my credibility,” God said. “There’s no way these loins would let
an X chromosome slip out.”<br />
God said his daughter’s life would have jeopardized the whole future of
Christianity so he decided she must go.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I was kind of in a catch 22 situation. I had already
sacrificed two of my sperms to create these twins and those don’t come easy,”
God said. “I couldn’t just terminate the pregnancy so I appeared to fetus Jesus
in several dreams.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God gave Jesus details on how to defeat his sister before
she developed any further.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“She proved to be quite hard to kill. I was initially given
detailed instructions on how to create a noose with her umbilical cord,” Jesus
said. “This was our first failure.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus said he performed the deed while they were having a
tea party.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It was on April 2 a glorious Tuesday morning,” Jesus said.
“Juanita, I named her Juanita, was seeping water through the imaginary tea bags
and I was in action.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Juanita had asked Jesus what he was doing as she could feel
the tension on her cord. Jesus said he was adjusting her cord because “it had
gotten tangled in the intestines.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Juanita carried on her womanly duties without another
thought to Jesus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh she was so gullible,” Jesus said. “She gave me my teacup
and I told her it needed more sugar and as she turned to get the sugar off the
top imaginary cupboard, I slipped the cord around her neck and gave a nice hard
tug. She started laughing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Juanita had thought Jesus was
making a nice gesture in making her a necklace. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“She called me silly and said
necklace are never supposed to be that tight,” Jesus said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus said he kept trying to pull
harder on the noose but it only made her go into a fit of laughter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I pulled so hard on that thing but in that fetal stage we
really didn’t have much of necks,” Jesus said. “Also my nubs of fingers really
weren’t getting a nice enough grip.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A second plan took place where Jesus tried to beat her death
but their ill formed feet and fingers were not equipped for a proper beating.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The third time is the charm as they say,” Jesus said. “In
the end I had to eat her. She was always a deep sleeper and her placenta gave
me the softest skin. It was an excellent exfoliator.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus believes some of his later powers came from Juanita.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The fact that my first miracle was turning water to wine
shows some of her feminine side coming through,” Jesus said. “If it had been a
masculine miracle I would have turned the water to scotch and really gotten the
party going.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mary stated Jesus was enough of divine intervention for any
women.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I can’t believe he wanted me to birth twins,” Mary said. “Really
you knock up a virgin and expect her to push out twins on her first try. Let’s
be realistic.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God said Juanita was an unfortunate glitch in his plan for Jesus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The idea of spreading my seed across twins seemed quite
manly at the time but once I actually thought about it, I knew what I had to
do,” God said. “There isn’t a day I look back.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-7637907778846907682012-07-18T11:53:00.000-04:002012-07-19T10:21:40.941-04:00God declares Jews are still his chosen people<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Higher Ground Press<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God is now making it official; the Jews are his chosen
people. Furthermore, God is now proclaiming he is upset with the way Christians
portray him.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“You read the Old Testament and I am an all fearing and
powerful God and then you get to the New Testament and I get all soft,” God
said. “When did I ever say I loved everyone? Jesus was always putting words in
my mouth.”</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God said he misses the time when people were so fearful of
him; they would sacrifice their best lamb and their only virgin daughter for him.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“I know they say they are sacrificing a lamb to show their
love but let’s be honest, it was in the fear of if they did not that I would
burn down their village. Those where the good old days,” God said. “Where are
the personally sacrifices for me? I am not talking about these mental
struggles. I am talking about slapping your wife in my name.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God said he may not show his anger as abruptly as he use to
but he is still to be feared.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“In my old age I got tired of destroying whole cities. It
was such hard work and in the end if I tore down <span id="yui_3_3_0_1_1342626521036642" style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.77777862548828px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span id="yui_3_3_0_1_1342626521036641">Sodom</span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.77777862548828px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.77777862548828px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">or</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.77777862548828px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.77777862548828px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Gomorrah</span><span style="background-color: white;">, they built </span><span style="background-color: white;">Babylon</span><span style="background-color: white;">. No, now I have more power with the afterlife,” God said. “The
Christians did get the whole Hell thing right.”</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God said when he hears someone using his name in vain or
lying, instead of killing a beloved son or burning down their village, he
laughs as he thinks of them burning in the eternal Lake of Fire.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“Yes, Hell is such sweet poetic justice,” God said. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God is confused by the Christians portrayal of him as an all
loving God who also damns people to Hell.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“They preach about me loving everyone but then they go on
about everyone but themselves being Hell bound,” God said. “Under the New
Testament’s teaching, I am a Hippie and peace loving being, so how could I damn
people to Hell? According to these people I should be welcoming Nazis into the
pearly gates with flowers and hugs.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God said the way Christians speak of him is appalling. <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“If they would just stop at me damning everyone to Hell,
then we’d have something to talk about but no, they have to make me a damn
pussy with all that talk about love,” God said. “Where are the whole chapters
about me throwing Pontius Pilot and Romans into the fire pit? If they had just
added the book according to Chuck Norris, then those Christians would be
saved.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God claims he never said the Christians were his chosen people
for a reason and he holds a special spot for them in Hell.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“It’s in between the gays and the unborn fetuses,” God said.
“Yeah unfortunately fetuses are not heaven bound; I can’t spend all eternity
with something which barely has a brain and wasn’t baptized.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God also praises the Jews who are the only religion which
keeps holy the Sabbath, held every Saturday not Sunday.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“Heaven is exclusively for the Jews. I know they don’t
believe in an afterlife, but it’s kind of an added bonus after a whole life of
worshiping me properly,” God said. “Besides I promised them they were my chosen
people, I can’t turn my back on them now.”<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>God said Christians do stand a chance if they put down the,
“Hippie crosses” and burn their favorite gerbil in his name.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>“You can stop preaching about your all loving and powerful
God. All I want is the power,” God said. “And for my sakes, eat a kosher meal
once in a while and lay off the shrimp.” </b></span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-81923545804876289172012-07-13T12:18:00.000-04:002012-07-13T12:29:09.208-04:00Samson tests positive for steroids<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
B.C. Olympic News<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1C7Shwji2vs/UABHPmgcFDI/AAAAAAAAAFA/DctkeJeiRUw/s1600/Samson.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="355" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1C7Shwji2vs/UABHPmgcFDI/AAAAAAAAAFA/DctkeJeiRUw/s400/Samson.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;"><h4>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Getty</span></span></h4>
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Samson has now tested positive for steroids after years of claiming his strength came from his hair.</span></span></h4>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After years of speculation Samson admits he indeed did take
steroids and his hair was only a fabricated lie he created to cover his tracks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yes, it is true I have taken HGH,” Samson said. “It wasn’t
the hair at all and I send my sincere apologies for any kind of pain or grief
my actions might have caused.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Samson for years said his strength came from his long locks
of brown hair but the HGH was found in Samson’s system after he was required to
take a drug test during the Olympic Trials.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Samson was supposed to compete with the Israeli weight
lifting team in the 2012 London Games which many are saying he was forced to
resign from.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I am resigning from my position on the team,” Samson said. “I
am respecting the wishes of my teammates and will step down as team captain and
will not compete in this year’s Olympics."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Samson has been accused of taking steroids for years with
many people trying to find direct evidence to convict him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few years back the Delilah was hired by the Philistines to
find out if Samson was on steroids which began the rumors on the strength
coming from his hair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Delilah befriended Samson and worked undercover trying to
find the secret to his strength.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“They suspected steroids from the beginning and were
displeased after Samson went on a slaughtering streak through their country,”
Delilah said. “Sure some of those people probably deserved Samson’s wrath but
some of them were just in the barbarian’s way.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Philistines were determined to find steroids in Samson’s
possession and paid Delilah in cash.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Delilah came back with various different results, at one
pointed citing Samson will lose his power if bound with new ropes or with fresh
bowstrings.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It turns out Samson just really like bondage,” Delilah
said. “I hate to say it but I am a sucker for it as well.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Samson admits he told these lies to Delilah to throw her off
the case and to “get some on the side.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Some girls believe anything you tell them but Delilah was
her own breed of stupid and let’s face it, she enjoyed the whole ropes and
bowstring bondage as much as I did,” Samson said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After months of questioning from Delilah, Samson thought it
best to save himself by cutting his hair and getting off the steroids.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I thought I could blame my sudden lack of strength on my
hair now being short,” Samson admitted. Samson recently went back on the HGH
but forgot to consider the new drug testing required to compete in the Olympics.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I got off the roids and was doing alright but I missed
being able to carry cars on my back and throwing the brats in my neighborhood over
rooftops. Those were the things in life I cherished,” Samson said. "So I decided to give the steroids another go."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Samson said he has no regrets but is not looking forward to
the punishment the Olympic officials have determined for him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It turns out doing steroids is punishable by stabbing out
one’s eyes. That’s going to suck,” Samson said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Samson is set to have his eyes out sometime next week by
Philistines doctors. Samson has stated he plans on immediately lifting weights
after the procedure and finding a guide dog.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m hoping for a Rottweiler,” Samson said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some of his fans are hoping for a comeback and feel he has
been wrongfully targeted for years.<br />
“People have been after Samson for years. Sure HGH may have been in his system
but come on he’s the best weight lifter in his class with or without the
roids,” Guns in Babylon wrote on his Twitter page.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Samson is telling his friends to hold tight and keep him in
their thoughts and prayers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“This is not the end for me. I don’t need to see to be able
to lift weights,” Samson said. “Don’t worry I’ll be back stronger than ever
before you know it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-24507953128316293402012-05-05T16:57:00.000-04:002012-07-18T12:39:04.215-04:00Adam and Eve file for divorce<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uNMFntyCiFo/T6WSQ3-TpQI/AAAAAAAAAE0/riPXjlpZCKc/s1600/adam-and-eve.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="201" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uNMFntyCiFo/T6WSQ3-TpQI/AAAAAAAAAE0/riPXjlpZCKc/s320/adam-and-eve.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(From left to right) Eve and Adam during their days in the Garden of Eden.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
LIZZIE BIBBS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
News from Above Reporter<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
At around 10 a.m. today Adam and Eve announced their divorce
on the steps outside of heaven.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We were a match made in heaven but I guess even heaven can
only last so long,” Eve said. "With a man like Adam, heaven is about as
long as it takes to eat an apple."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both of their lawyers were present with Michael the Arch
Angel representing Adam and Jonah of Arch representing Eve.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adam and Eve are the longest known couple, being together
since the beginning of time and are more commonly known for the mishap in the
Garden of Eden.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The grounds for their divorce are “irreconcilable
differences,” according to Heaven County Court documents.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We gave it a try but no matter how many years went by Adam
still blamed me for us being banished from the Garden of Eden,” Eve said. “Get
over it. Maybe if someone had bothered to tell me not to eat the fruit, it
would be a different story.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adam said he has done a lot for Eve and is tired of his
charity and efforts going unnoticed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“How’s that rib working for you Eve?” Adam asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As far as not telling Eve of the no eating of fruit from the
Tree of Life Policy, Adam says she never asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“If a snake you’ve never seen before and by the way is
talking to you, suggests eating from the tree why not ask me about it first?”
Adam stated. “I wish I had given her half of my brain.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adam does admit he too ate the fruit but said it was due to
the peer pressure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Look I’m sorry I took the fruit but she had the first bite
and she said she could see things in a new light,” Adam said. “The way she was
looking at me, I wanted to see her like that.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adam only wishes he still could still see Eve like he did
after his first bite.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“If her boobs were still that perky, I think we could have
made it,” Adam said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even Eve admits the first bite of fruit opened her eyes to a
new world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He was packing,” Eve said. “Man was he packing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though Eve said she grew tired of Adam’s whining and
constant complaining about no longer being in the Garden of Eden.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t know what he’s complaining about,” Eve said. “So he
now has to work in the fields. I’m the one shoving babies out without the aid
of a pain killer. Let’s see him birth a baby. Then he can complain.”<br />
Eve is tired of feeling guilty and is ready to move on with her life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s that damn Catholic guilt Adam keeps ramming me with.
Every time a woman screams while in labor, he suggests I write an apology
letter to her,” Eve said. "Perhaps he should write an apology letter to
the blue collar workers of the world."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eve is done with primitive men for now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Adam, being the first man has a lot of flaws. He was
completely lost on the whole deodorant thing,” Eve said. “Today I am
announcing my relationship with Sarah, wife of Abraham. She smells really
pretty.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adam was not shocked to hear of Eve’s new found love and
said he too is moving on.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I met Mary Magdalene at the Bible
Class reunion and man is she a card,” Adam said. “I gave her my digits and
we’ve been on a few dates.”<br />
Adam said Mary is not like Eve at all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“She’s a lady,” Adam said. “She has new traditions and
customs that I wasn’t even aware of. For instance after every date, I give her
a $50. Eve never made me give her money. I feel as if I am a modern man now.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adam and Eve’s assets have yet to be divided but it
speculated Eve will get full custody of Cain and Abel.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-48537472083676462932012-04-16T12:45:00.001-04:002012-04-16T17:15:06.050-04:00Titanic tribute ship shows off its top-notch third class treatment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
BY LIZZIE BIBBS<br />
RMS Times<br />
<div>
<br />
While first class passengers aboard the MS Balmoral, enjoyed caviar and five course meals similar to the ones served during the fatal Titanic’s maiden and only voyage, third class passengers had their own equally worthy meals for peons, kidney pie and fricassee rabbit.<br />
The MS Balmoral sailed from Liverpool on April 12, tracking the Titanic exact route as a memorial for the 100th anniversary of the ship's sinking which killed between 1,490 and 1,635 people. </div>
<div>
"What better way to commemorate the anniversary of a ship who yields about a 32 percent survival rating than to track its footsteps?" Captain John Fry asked. "This time though, we're planning on making it all the way to New York and if not we have enough life boats for at the very least the first and half of the second class passengers."</div>
<div>
The Balmoral went the extra mile by separating their passengers into first, second and third class living quarters and also requiring all third class passengers to go through a health inspection before boarding the vessel.</div>
<div>
"We don't want a lice infestation leaking into the second or first class cabins," Fry said. </div>
<div>
The third class passengers received moderately good care which is more than most immigrants and the poor are use to.<br />
“I can’t believe they actually fed us,” Penelope Kidder, a third class passenger said. “That was a really nice surprise.” <br />
The third class passengers said the facilities were amazing considering they were given beds and did not have to sleep on the floor. <br />
The rooms also featured electric lighting and a water basin for washing instead of a small bucket filled with cold water.<br />
“I could not believe as a third class passenger, I was given a room and not just locked down in steerage without light,” Kidder said. “It’s a real honor to be able to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Titanic’s sinking in such style.” <br />
The first and second class passengers were just glad they were not forced to mingle with the dirty immigrants. <br />
“It’s like they’re not even on the ship,” Renee Fielder, a first class passenger said. “It’s also a comfort to know someone is keeping the rats company and away from the first class cabins.” <br />
Third class passengers said the rats were high quality vermin and not carriers of cholera or eosinophilic meningitis. <br />
There were however some reports of third class passengers catching typhus but ship medics said it is unclear if the small outbreak was from the rodents or from the passengers' general grubbiness. <br />
“It’s hard to tell where the typhus came from. You could say it was from the rats but in the end who is dirtier the third class or the rats?” Gregory June, the head doctor on Balmoral asked. “It’s a tough call.” <br />
Even the Balmoral’s sick passengers still seem to be pleased with the service of the ship. <br />
“I can’t believe I actually got seen by a doctor,” Selma McDerman said. “To top it off the third class’ medical office only had a few blood stains on the mattresses which I was told were old as they were bought used.” <br />
Many third passengers also enjoyed the gates where they could see the halls leading to the nicer first and second class areas. <br />
“Even if I couldn't reach them I could at least see something. Other ships would just have locked doors,” Kidder said. <br />
Third class passengers even had outdoor privileges on the same deck where the first and second class dogs were aloud to wander.<br />
All third class passengers sailed in the styles of 1912 with women in plain and homely dresses and men in their stained long johns and khaki colored paints held on by suspenders. <br />
“I thought some third class passengers might have had a suit even if it was older and worn but after watching James Cameron’s Titanic, it was clear to me there was only one way a third class man dressed,” George Seaman said. <br />
When it came time to commemorate the Titanic’s sinking at around 2:20 a.m. on April 15 all the first and second class passengers were called on deck for a moment of silence as they dropped several flower-filled wreathes into the waters. The third class passengers were told they would have their chance after the first and second class were taken care of.<br />
“When we finally got up to deck, it was about an hour later and we dropped bread crumbs into the water,” Kidder said. “Also we didn’t get exactly a moment of silence as the first class passengers were drinking and partying in the ballroom but it was close enough.” <br />
All third class passengers said they felt they were treated above normal. <br />
“I could not have asked for better treatment as a third class passenger,” Kidder said. “The Balmoral made me feel as if there was a lower fourth class hidden somewhere beneath the ship.”</div>
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-45510752639041538732012-02-01T11:19:00.001-05:002012-02-01T11:37:33.737-05:00Jesus is proclaimed lord of hide-and-seek<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
BY LIZZIE BIBBS<br />
International Hide-and-Seek Chronical<br />
<br />
The International Hide-and-Seek Organization (IHSO) is awarding Jesus with an honor for his hide-and-seek skills.<br />
"If we can find him, we will be awarding Jesus with the Champion of Hide-and-Seek plaque and crown," George McFollin, president of IHSO said. "I mean this guy really is the master and lord of hide-and-seek. My four year old wishes she had his mad skills."<br />
Jesus is being called by many, the "master of hide-and-seek." Stories about finding Jesus have been sweeping the internet and have been heard inside churches for years.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2HsEdoITuWg/Tylk9gOmq5I/AAAAAAAAAEc/0eFFkDCn_Rs/s1600/jesus_hidenseek.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="246" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2HsEdoITuWg/Tylk9gOmq5I/AAAAAAAAAEc/0eFFkDCn_Rs/s320/jesus_hidenseek.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An image of what is engraved on the plaque Jesus will be receiving<br />
for his "mad skills" of hide-and-seek.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
David Brown, a 20 year old going to the University of Miami claims he found Jesus as he was about to take a shower in his fraternity house before his morning class.<br />
"I pulled back the curtain and this man was standing there as I am standing there with my bare ass to the wind and I screamed," Brown said. "Jesus grinned at me and he said, 'You found me'."<br />
Brown said he stood there in shock as Jesus "giggled like a sorority girl." It was then that Jesus ran into the kitchen and began counting.<br />
"He said it was my turn to hide now," Brown said. "I heard him counting in the kitchen and I just thought maybe I wasn't quite over my acid trip but when I came out of the bathroom a half an hour later he was waiting for me."<br />
Jesus stood outside the bathroom door and waited for the door to open. According to Brown when he opened the door Jesus said he was a horrible hider.<br />
"He said 'Wow you're an easy find. Well you're it now.' He then ran down the hall and I haven't seen him since," Brown said.<br />
Brown said several of his fraternity's alumni have reported finding Jesus after they graduated college.<br />
"I've heard legends of Jesus playing hide-and-seek but now I am a true believer," Brown said.<br />
Brown is not the only one reporting to find Jesus during a game of hide-and-seek. Jesus is appearing worldwide hiding behind trees, cardboard boxes and underneath blankets at homeless shelters.<br />
Sightings are being reported from such places as London, England, New York City and Beijing, China.<br />
Alena Muroch, 54 years old from Moscow, Russia, said she found Jesus underneath a pile of dirty laundry.<br />
"I was picking up my laundry off my bedroom floor when I grab what I thought was my white sheet, turns out it was Jesus' robe," Muroch said.<br />
Muroch said Jesus jumped up in the same excitement and happy demeanor as when Brown found him.<br />
"He kept saying 'You found me. You found me.'," Muroch said. "I was shocked and I must admit a little confused. I had no idea I was playing the game. It's not everyday you find Jesus."<br />
Muroch said Jesus soon found her hanging laundry in the basement about an hour later.<br />
"Jesus looked at me with his deep brown eyes and said, 'You call this hiding?' He then said I was 'it' and left," Muroch said.<br />
Harold Brock, once a New York City homeless man who now runs a McDonald's franchise outside the city, found Jesus in a dumpster outside of Luigi's Pizza Shop.<br />
"I was looking for scraps of food when Jesus sprang up from underneath a pile of empty pizza boxes. He said, 'I found you' and I have to admit it scared me," Brock said. "At first I thought he was going to call the police and I began to ran."<br />
Brock said he thought perhaps it was Luigi himself cracking down on the homeless behind his shop.<br />
Brock claims Jesus yelled after him, "That's right it's your turn to hide but don't worry I'll find you. The finding part is what I'm good at."<br />
Brock ran to the Sacred Heart Homeless Shelter, where he decided to get a bite to eat and gather what had just happened to him.<br />
"I thought about who had jumped out at me and I knew it wasn't the owner of the shop," Brock said. "Then I thought about his clothes, a white robe with a red sash coming down his right shoulder and that's when it hit me, I found Jesus."<br />
Brock said it did not take long to confirm his discovery as there was a picture of Jesus painted on the shelter's walls and the painting was uncanny to the man he saw underneath the pizza boxes.<br />
"Jesus then found me later that night as I was sleeping," Brock said. "I opened up my eyes and saw him looking down on me with that crazy grin of his."<br />
Jesus told Brock he was now "it" again and then summed up his search for Brock as the "hardest bugger to find yet."<br />
According to Brock Jesus was very impressed with his hiding skills.<br />
"As Jesus was leaving he said I'll have to save you for another day," Brock said. "So I guess Jesus saved me."<br />
Brock said he has not seen Jesus since but he did manage to find a job through the homeless shelter and eventually found a job at a McDonalds where he rose to the top.<br />
"You know, being homeless and all, I've seen some crazy shit in my lifetime but nothing quite tops my game of hide-and-seek with Jesus," Brock said. "I found Jesus and didn't even know I was looking. Now that's a champ."</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-45031436374983788612012-01-25T12:26:00.002-05:002012-01-25T12:26:59.929-05:00God says it's not global warming, it's menopause<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8MReTn1GjNY/TyA6b6j6RjI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/zpazDIcALAg/s1600/a10_h_34_5026.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8MReTn1GjNY/TyA6b6j6RjI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/zpazDIcALAg/s640/a10_h_34_5026.gif" width="620" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">A picture Earth taken from NASA's Hasselblad Camera. Although Earth my look normal, God says her inner hormones are going haywire as she enters menopause.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
BY LIZZIE BIBBS<br />
The Light Years New Herald<br />
<br />
God has released a statement declaring scientist are wrong about global warming and claims the earth is simply going through menopause.<br />
"Those weird change in weather patterns, those are merely hot flashes and mood swings," God said.<br />
God said although the menopause is unpleasant and could be a game changer in the world's climate, he still sees earth's adolescent stage as the epitome of out of control.<br />
"You could not pay me to relive those days," God said. "Every month another volcano erupted and earthquakes were started just by looking at her the wrong way."<br />
God said there was even a long lasting argument between the earth and sun which caused the ice age.<br />
"The sun just couldn't put up with the earth's immatureness. He shined on the earth but only at a safe and far distance," God said.<br />
God said at least the Earth is dealing with her menopause in somewhat of a more mature manner.<br />
"As of right now, nothing has gone extinct," God said. "Those poor dinosaurs. I really like the brutes. They were quite entertaining."<br />
Earth refused to comment on her menopause but God said that is to be expected.<br />
"She really has always been rather shy and when it comes to something this personal, you'd be more successful making Pluto a planet again," God said.<br />
Although God is concerned with the way Earth is dealing with her menopause.<br />
"I thought after the industrial revolution I was sure she was done with her chain smoking," God said.<br />
It appears not only is Earth refusing to take mood altering hormones, she is also back to inhaling the Carbon Dioxide.<br />
"Don't get me wrong, Earth has never fully given up smoking but she was down to a pack a day at one point," God said.<br />
God said she really hit rock bottom when Mars went through a mid-life crisis and broke off their 5,679 year marriage last month.<br />
"Her precipitation has gone up. She just cannot stop crying," God said. "She's been watching Steel Magnolias and eating whole boxes of chocolate for two weeks straight."<br />
God claims Mars and Earth have had a pretty rocky relationship.<br />
"They've been on again off again since the Cretaceous Period," God said. "They should have never gotten married."<br />
Mars said he was tired of Earth and her constant complaining.<br />
"She kept on telling me she misses the Mars that had water," Mars said. "Well I gave up the water gig millenniums ago honey. Sorry I got sick and tired of pesticides growing on me and leaching off of every resource I had."<br />
Mars said he is no longer on the same page as Earth and he says although God believes it is the menopause, he has another theory.<br />
"She's been nuts for years," Mars said. "That broad has been on the brink of a mental breakdown ever since Rome was defeated but you know what? I stuck with her but enough is enough sweetheart."<br />
Mars is rumored to be currently dating the Black Hole but nothing has been confirmed.<br />
"Am I dating? That's for me to know and for Earth not to find out," Mars said. "The last time she caught me cheating, Pangaea split. I hate to be the reason for L.A. sinking or the Rockies finally erupting."<br />
God said Earth will move on but until then he is trying to convince her to take some "much needed hormones and anti-depressants."<br />
Earth keeps telling God she his healing through natural remedies but God is skeptical whether her route is even natural or just an excuse to be lazy and unresponsive.<br />
"Earth keeps on talking about taking the natural route to curing her menopause and depression. I don't call cigarettes and a tub of Ben and Jerry's natural but whatever," God said. "I guess she'll heal in her own time as for those who inhabit her, perhaps you'll have better luck than the dinosaurs."</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-12569189511859008462012-01-04T11:26:00.000-05:002012-01-04T11:52:50.274-05:00Mary of Nazareth asks for restitution from deadbeat dad<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
LIZZIE BIBBS<br />
The A.D. Times<br />
<br />
Mary of Nazareth is suing God for years of unpaid child support. Mary claims she birthed and raised God's only son, Jesus with not even so much as a thank you.<br />
"For 30 years, Jesus has lived under my roof, eaten my food and has been clothed by me and all without the support of his deadbeat dad," Mary said.<br />
The Court of Nazareth said God only owes Mary 14 years of backed up child support not the 30 she was striving to receive.<br />
"It is clear God owes Mary some sort of reimbursement but under law it would only be for the first 14 years of life because after that Jesus is now an adult and should be married to virgin bride instead of sucking his mother of her assets," The Honorable Judge Gregory of Bethlehem said.<br />
Upon hearing of Gregory's ruling God fully objected.<br />
"I gave her a gift damn it, God's only son. Where's my thank you?" God said. "It was a painless birth and as for me saying thank you, I'm pretty sure eternal salvage is pretty big ass thank you."<br />
God said Mary is ungrateful for everything he has ever done for her.<br />
"I chose her because I thought she would be a submissive mother," God said. "No wonder [Mary's husband] Joseph checked out early. If I could die, my heart attack would have come years ago."<br />
Mary said she thinks God is over reacting and has never fully appreciate her sacrifice.<br />
"I'm ungrateful? Give me a break my precious Lord," Mary said. "How would you like an angel telling your virgin self she is going to pop out a kid. I didn't even get to have any fun before giving birth. Waking up pregnant; how's that for fair?"<br />
Mary said he could have at least given her a taste of the conception.<br />
Furthermore Mary said her body has never fully healed after the birth of Jesus.<br />
"It might have been a painless birth but let me tell you it wasn't exactly a picnic giving birth to Jesus," Mary said. "Painless? Yes. Comfortable? You should ask the shepherds and all the pilate in the world would never put my stomach back to the way it used to be."<br />
Mary is asking for full restitution from the damage the pregnancy did to her body.<br />
Mary said she was also never given full instruction on how to raise Jesus to be the son of God.<br />
"Lets not forget the years of cultivating Jesus to be a carpenter and then he decides he'd rather talk to large crowds on a mountain top and walk on water," Mary said. "I did not want to raise a politician."<br />
Mary said Joseph spent hours trying to teach Jesus to make cabinets and tables.<br />
"I love my son but the whole carpenter lifestyle was just too much for him," Mary said. "He came home with broken thumbs numerous times. The kid just could not use a hammer and did I ever see a penny for hospital bills from his father? I think not."<br />
God said he was always watching his son and he thought that was good enough.<br />
"I was there in spirit. Give me a break I have a whole world to run here," God said. "He had Joseph for Christ sakes!"<br />
Mary said we all have issues and business to deal with but it is not an excuse to leave your son without knowing his true father.<br />
"It's an identity crisis," Mary said. "Every time I hear God gripe I feel like playing him the song 'Cat's Cradle.' In the end like father, like son they both eventually abandoned me but at least Jesus could keep his hands to himself."<br />
Judge Gregory has not released the full amount God owes Mary but an amount is to be calculated and revealed to God sometime next week.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-34630975443547367172011-12-28T10:09:00.000-05:002011-12-28T12:17:26.195-05:00A New Year, A New Diamond<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">LIZZIE BIBBS</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">International Jewelry Review</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Aye's
Jewelry is announcing the launch of the Sangre Diamond.
This 30 karat jewel, can be added to rings, necklaces and bracelet.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">As
a bonus Aye's is offering a helping hand with every diamond bought.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">The
great thing about the Sangre Diamond is with every diamond you
purchase it comes with a genuine human hand the diamond cost to
harvest, free of charge,” Gerry Brino, Chief Executive Officer of
Aye's Jewelry said.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You
can add the diamond to your favorite necklace or you can buy the
Sangre Diamonds jewelry readily made and set to go. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Brino
suggests the $15,000 Sangre Diamond engagement ring for the real
lover. This ring comes with two human hands and a picture of the
militia you helped support.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Brino
suggests to use your human hand to store your precious rings or as a
nice table center piece.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">I
bought my wife three Sangres and we dipped two of our hands in gold
and use them as wonderful bookends,” Brino said.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Brino
said the diamond plus a hand promotion will only last for a limited a
time.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">A
diamond may last forever but hands decompose and we only have a
limited number of hands to give away,” Brino said.</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Aye's
Jewelry says they guarantee their diamonds comes directly from the
source of Angola, The Ivory Coast, Zimbabwe and the Congo. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">We
don't take the short cuts. We get our diamonds direct from the source
which makes our hands that much more valuable,” Brino said. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">A
study in 2007 shows six percent of jewelers do not know where their
diamonds are harvested from because they do not have an auditing
process to trace a diamond back to their source of origin.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">We
do not just trace diamonds back to their country of origin, we trace
them back to the slave or underpaid worker who personally harvested
the jewel and graciously gave up their hand and we're happy to do that,” Brino said. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Brino
said there has been a bad vibe with conflict diamonds every since
such media as Kanye West's song <span style="color: black;">Diamonds
from Sierra Leon</span> and</span> <span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Edward Zwick</span><span style="font-size: small;">'s film Blood
Diamond starring </span>Lenoardo DiCaprio and </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Djimon Hounsou</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, helvetica, 'bitstream vera sans', clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">hit the pop culture world.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">I
don't see our selling of the Sangre Diamonds as supporting
warfare,” Brino said. “We are providing a third world country with an economy
and supplying our country with beautiful objects to display our wealth and
prosperity.”</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Brino
prefers to take what he calls the Marilyn Monroe model of “Diamonds
are a Girl's best friend.”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">Diamonds
are a girl's best friends and man's best apology,” Brino said. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Brino
said by adding the bonus hand, it displays the true value of the
diamond.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">After
all we're a consumers' economy and if the consumers want a diamond we
will get that shiny piece of carbon at whatever the cost,” Brino
said. “By giving them a hand we say, you're diamond's priceless
plus a hand.”</span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Aye's
Jewelery is also set to introduce their Sangre Emeralds which come
straight from the mines of Columbia. The emeralds will be introduced
in March of this year and will come with your very own orphaned child
who personally mined the emerald for your enjoyment.</span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">This
is a ingeniously crafted emerald and you get your own
personal orphan who knows how to take care of your emerald. It is a real prize," Brino said. "T</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">he fact your orphan child will keep the emerald nice and shiny for years to come, is just an added bonus.”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">Each
orphan comes emerald handler certified.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">The
only thing that is not guaranteed, is the orphan's love for you but in the
end you'll know how much the person who purchased the emerald loves
you and what could be better than that?” Brino asks. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">The
Sangre Diamond collection is available in stores next week and they
will launch the emerald collection on March 5 but they are taking
pre-orders.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">This
collection will not last long so order yours today. It's worth it's
weight in both hands and at least one child,” Brino said. </span></span>
</div>
</div>
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-82113589251078076092011-12-14T17:56:00.000-05:002011-12-14T17:56:19.704-05:00The United Kingdom admits to wrongful introducing universal health care<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
LIZZY BIBS</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
FFX News International </div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
The United Kingdom has finally admitted that they hate their universal health care plan as much as Americans do.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“If I wanted healthcare, I would buy it myself from a private sector,” Bryan Stockington, from Stockholm, England said.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Stockington would not say what he did for a living but did convey it’s his choice to give his money to a multi-million dollar company.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“If I’m sick and dying of let’s say cancer, then someone might as well be making a profit because I sure as hell won’t be,” Stockington said. “In fact I’m pretty sure if I didn’t receive government handouts, the cancer would not only take out my body but my bank account as well and that’s our God given right that the Parliament has taken from us.”</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Stockington said God never wanted people to depend on the government for their health.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“After all it’s in the Bible, ‘In sickness and in health I have the right to choose who will profit from both’,” Stockington said. “Or is that my marriage vows? I always confuse those two. I guess in the end I’m saying look at what depending on the government did to Jesus.”</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Stockington said whether it be in the Bible or in his wedding, he has vowed to be able to choose who gives him his daily insulin shot and it sure was not the politicians up in their “high towers of London”.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“I feel as if the government is saying, well we know you’re a blue collar. Working for eight pounds an hour won’t pay for the thousands upon thousands of pounds worth of treatment. Well how do you know I haven’t won the lotto yet?” Stockington asked. “It’s really just plain insulting.”</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Stockington said he feels as if he’s living in a work of fiction or perhaps a narcissist’s dream.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“It’s almost as if I’m living in George Orwell’s 1984 or perhaps in the mind of Ann Rand. If Rand has taught anything it’s that capitalism always works. It never fails. So government, get your damn hands off my healthcare,” Stockington said.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Stockington said when looking at history, it was not until the 1940s after the Great Depression, when universal healthcare came to became a part of everyday life.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“For thousands of years we lived as natural human beings paying for our own healthcare,” Stockington said. “Sure it was for leaches and flesh eating maggots and not for the high technical day of radiation and CAT scans. But if I want to pay for leaches and maggots I should be able to pay for them without the government telling me I need an ultrasound or some other scientific logic that costs a whole hell load of money.”</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
According to Stockington he pays for healthcare with his taxes therefore he is also paying for the deadbeats who just want to get sick on the government’s dollar.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“These people don’t even want to get well,” Stockington said. “They just want to milk the government for all it’s worth and remain sick and decrepit without ever taking responsibility for their own health.”</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Robert Griffin, an honored FXX News blogger, has another theory about the universal healthcare system.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“In the end it all boils down to one thing, population control,” Giffin said. “All universal healthcare systems across the globe have secretly started death panels. I should know they decided to kill my grandma three months ago.”</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Griffin’s personal experience with the death panels have left a lasting mark on him.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“I was out of town and she was what some refer to as a shut-in but nobody came and helped her when she keeled over from a heart attack in her sleep,” Griffin said. “No one came and gave her CPR. She was a 99 year-old women just left in her PJs dead from something as curable as a heart attack.”</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Griffin has a started a blog entitled, They’re Coming for You Next which is dedicated to making the public aware of what he calls, the government’s ultimate plan.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“They came for my grandma and pretty soon they’ll be building death camps where all 99 year old grandmas will be chain to their beds so they can die in their sleep from heart attacks,” Griffin said.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Griffin understands some may remain sketpical of the U.K.'s citizens finally getting fed up over their healthcare.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
"Some people might say, oh that's just a small number griping about the government take over. Well I'm here to tell you that there are at least 60 of us," Griffin said. "And that's not including me."</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Griffin applauds the United States for keeping the money in the hands of corporations instead of the government whose only gain in taking hold of health care is killing off everyone.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“The United States is the only remaining industrialized country without some form of universal access and I applaud them for keeping corporate millionaires not just in the pockets of every citizen but in their sick beds as well,” Griffin said.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
Griffin has a strong feeling the U.K. is headed towards full out communism.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">
“The laws of economics keeps telling us that the United Kingdom is a capitalist society. Well who makes those laws up? How do I know it was hundreds of years of different philosophical genius and not just one big Marxist conspiracy?” Griffin said. “The simple answer is I don’t know and neither can any of you.”</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-10823086244838316852011-12-04T19:45:00.001-05:002011-12-04T20:04:58.332-05:00Occupy Christmas movement takes over local Elementary School<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Lizzie Bibbs</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
HHES Newsletter</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Fifteen students from Mrs. Griffth's
first grade class at Headland Heights Elementary School have begun an
Occupy Christmas protest outside their classroom when they discovered
what they say is one percent of their class who receive every present
off their Christmas list each year.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The students have set up tents in the
hallways where they remain for the whole school day or until the bell
rings and Mrs. Griffth sends them to the principal's office for
insubordination.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Mrs. Grittth said we're making a
mess in the hallway,” Kyle Rooter said. “I see it as standing up
for my Christmas rights. I want everything on my list this year like
Frank Timons.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Timons is the only student in a class
of 30 who received everything he asked Santa for last Christmas.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Do I realize that one out of 30 is
not one percent? No lady I'm only in first grade. I'm not even sure
what a percent is. I do know Frank [Timons] parents must pay Santa
off though,” Rooter said.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Many students feel Timons parents are
paying Santa off because they own the local mall and two stores
downtown.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“It's easy to see Frank's parents are
making backdoor deals with Santa. They say if Santa gets Frank
everything he wants, they'll let him shop for free at all their
stores,” Rooter said.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Many children have also noticed their
gifts come from the mall or stores the Timons own like the local
Dollar General.
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bYbJIdxr9pY/TtwUtfq6jpI/AAAAAAAAAD0/wrkuM9jAj-Q/s1600/worlds-apart-barbie-play-tent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bYbJIdxr9pY/TtwUtfq6jpI/AAAAAAAAAD0/wrkuM9jAj-Q/s400/worlds-apart-barbie-play-tent.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Occupiers, Jillian Heffsteller (right) and Amanda Scrantino stand in <br />
protest of Santa's unfair gift giving practices</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Frank Timons got a Wii last year as
well as five brand new games, a remote control firetruck and a brand
new pair of Nike shoes that blink red and blue lights when he walks,”
Jillian Hoffsteller said.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Heffsteller said she only got a new
dress and a doll from Santa.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“The doll I got was clearly from the
dollar store,” Heffsteller said. “I ask you where's my Wii?
Where's my new pair of Nike shoes? I guess my mom's job at the
Wal-Mart doesn't make enough to payoff the man in the big red suit.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Another student, Gregory Froster said
he had a “much worser” Christmas than Heffsteller.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“She at least got a doll. The only
presents I got from Santa were in my stocking, a pair of socks and a
frosty PEZ dispenser,” Froster said. “Clearly I got nothing off
my Christmas list.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Timons denies his classmates
accusations.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“I have just been a good boy all
year. If they tried being nice instead of protesting all day long,
they might get all their presents as well,” Timons said. “My
parents don't pay anyone off.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Heffsteller denies Timons has been good
all year long.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Last year in Kindergarten he pulled
on one of my pigtails so hard that I started to cry. Timons can do
whatever he wants and still get all his presents, there's money
involved,” Heffsteller said.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Furthermore some students say they have
been better than Timons but still have not received a Christmas with
a full list of presents.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“I was a lot nicer than Frank last
year,” Rooter said. “I never pulled on Jill's pigtails and I got
student of the month twice in a row.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The Occupy Christmas movement has been
gaining support as seven fifth graders, three kindergarteners and 10
fourth graders have joined their cause.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yesterday third grader Josh Stewart, a
Jewish student, joined because he said Santa has yet to even visit
him.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Also several parents have put their
support behind their students packing them extra snacks and giving
them ice cream money.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“My dad said it's about time the
Timons got what's coming to them,” Froster said. “He's been mad
at Frank's mom and dad ever since they laid him off last year.”
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Froster's father was one of five people
laid off from the mall's security department and has yet to find a
job.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“My dad said he has a few Christmas
presents he'd like to give them as well. I'm not sure what that
means. If Frank is getting all the presents he wants, I'm sure his
parents are too,” Froster said.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Other students admit they too did not
receive their full Christmas lists last year but think the Occupy
Christmas movement is out of hand.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“Just go to class and learn and get
good grades then you can eventually earn enough points and be put on
Santa's extremely good kid list and get all your presents,” Sarah
Frenner said. “It's called hard work, that's how you earn all your
deserved presents.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Mrs. Griffth said she is just
frustrated because it interferes with her work day and creates more
work as the janitor ends up cleaning up after the student's mess.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“If it's not candy wrappers than it's
their signs they leave behind when in detention,” Griffth said.
“Then last Friday they tried to start a fire to stay warm in the
drafty hallway. Just come inside the classroom and learn.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Griffth has tried to force the students
to come into the classroom but said it just created more chaos.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“I had students drag in their Barbie
tents and camp out underneath my desk. While some of the others stood
in the back and marched back and forth all day,” Griffth said.
“This is the last year I ask the students what Santa brought them
for Christmas last year.”</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The occupiers say they are not going
anywhere until Santa listens to their demands.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“We may have to stay here all year,”
Heffsteller said. “Even if it takes until next Christmas, I'm not
moving an inch.”</div>
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-84496764134744152552011-11-30T12:55:00.001-05:002011-12-01T09:27:01.764-05:00Riding alone still entices Hitler to tag along<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; color: #000744; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; color: #000744; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; color: #000744; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px;"><div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">LIZZY BIBBS</span></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">International Freelance Reporter</span></span></span></div>
</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-woOPwlFXDPU/TtZvDFCJaqI/AAAAAAAAADs/NjkCwHnqwl8/s1600/ride-with-hitler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-woOPwlFXDPU/TtZvDFCJaqI/AAAAAAAAADs/NjkCwHnqwl8/s320/ride-with-hitler.jpg" width="248" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The old American propaganda poster as seen in the 1940s.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; color: #000744; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15px;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">As gas prices remain in the average of $3.31 per gallon for nationwide, historians and researches are saying the old World War II propaganda mantra, “If you ride alone, you ride with Hitler,” has never been more true.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Researchers are coming out saying those who choose not to carpool are actually hitching a ride with Adolf Hitler who is just really bored in the afterlife.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Yes, Hitler has been dead for almost 70 years, but it does not make it none the less true; he is a stowaway in our motor vehicles,” Robert Bockman, professor at the University of Orlando said.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Bockman discovered Hitler on his lone car ride to work one day.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">I kept smelling a distinct odor of Scho-ka-cola and Nazi,” Bockman said.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Bockman said it appears Hitler's spirit has survived due to the many experimental tests his doctors performed on him to cure his Parkinson which is believed to have been caused by his exposure to mustard gas in the World War I trenches.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">We think it's the many different treatments that were tested on him at the time such as mercury, </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">opiates, cocaine, barbiturates, leeches for his vertigo, tonics and useless hormones. S</span></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">ome of the treatments </span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">supposedly also caused his schizophrenia,” Bockman said. “We essentially have an aging crazy spirit among our mist. It's not the most pleasant of experiences.”</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">After five years of research with his graduate students, Bockman said they found Hitler's spirit is merely bored and he's looking for new places to travel and new youth to corrupt.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">It also appears Hitler has given up on Germany.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">The Germans can ride alone as much as they please,” Bockman said. “It appears after they banned the swastika, Hitler had no interest in the county.”</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Hitler was disappointed with the Germany's “decent” into capitalism and their banning of the swastika which is actually a Celtic symbol for unity.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Hitler says he doesn't understand their strong stance against the country's unity,” Bockman said. “He sees it as discrimination against the Aryan Race.”</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Hitler's spirit has proven to be as weak as his height but he is still out and about trying to send out his message. Many drivers who find Hitler as their passenger find their radios changing stations to classical music many times a Beethoven piece can be heard or Nietzsche on tape.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">I was jamming to Katy Perry when the station became fuzzy and it turned into Beethoven's Ninth Symphony which eventually became The Dawn by Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche narrated by Christrian Slater,” George Montgomery, a New York Wall Street worker said.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Hitler has been appearing in CEO’s and TV personalities vehicle across the states and reports have been made of </span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Andy Coulson</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"> having in depth propaganda discussions with the former F</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">ührer.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Yes, Hitler is dead physically but he's still rolling in his grave,” Bockman said. “He's rolling in his crazy grave which so happens to be the empty passenger seat in your car.”</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">However providing a seat for Hitler also provides new hope for the Aryan Race.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">We discovered that for every three vehicles that only had a driver and no passengers, a skin head gave birth,” Bockman said. “To make matters worse, for every 40 lone drivers, Aryan twins are birthed and one Jew, Gypsy and hoarder dies.”</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Unfortunately even though Hitler spirit has survived he has failed to update his vocabulary and a hoarder to him refers to those who hide the non-Aryan persons. It appears a surprising number of deceased cat ladies and men who just can't bear to part with every newspaper and empty jar of peanut butter they've encountered have been reported.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">It appears hoarders are dying at an alarming rate,” Bockman said. “In California alone, the number of hoarders dead in the past year has jumped up by 38 percent.”</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Bockman thinks the only solution is to find a carpool buddy and not just for your work needs but for your weekends and days off as well.</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br style="font-family: Georgia; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Georgia !important; font-size: 11pt !important; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">“</span><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 11pt !important; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">We urge all those who continue to refuse to ride with other people, to make friends at work, their local bar or even a with the neighborhood hobo. Perhaps they can just develop a silent riding partner,” Bockman said. “Plus as a perk to it all, you'll be able to ride in the Hitler free carpool lane.”</span></span></span></div>
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7851914052222917613.post-43837741982794600632011-11-23T12:42:00.001-05:002011-11-23T13:39:35.399-05:00The Legend of Tom Turkey lives on<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">The legend of Tom Turkey may have been forgotten in many house's but not the Long Family's house where to this day they vow to track him down.</td></tr>
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LIZZIE BIBBS<br />
Plymouth Times<br />
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As turkey, mash potatoes and pumpkin pie begin filling in, the Thanksgiving tradition of family and the ideas of pilgrims and indians come to mind. However there are some turkey day traditions which seem to have been long forgotten.<br />
David Long professor of history at Adrian University has come out with a new book all about a Tom Turkey.<br />
Tom Turkey is a tradition from a time long forgotten when children stayed up late on Thanksgiving Eve waiting to have a shot at slaughtering the legionary seven and two quarters foot turkey.<br />
"As legend goes, if the turkey was caught and cut opened you'd have the most wondrous Thanksgiving Dinner filled with all the trimmings and enough food to feed an entire city," Long said.<br />
The Legend of Tom Turkey says the meal is beyond perfect with turkey, yams, potatoes, pumpkin rolls and wine.<br />
"The magical thing about Tom is the meal is already prepared too, no cooking involved," Long said. "His stomach has been keeping the meal warm for all these years and the wine is aged and fermented to perfection."<br />
Long himself has memories of long sleepless nights with a shotgun in hand waiting for a slight gobble in the night.<br />
"My family was quite old school," Long said. "My dad had hunted for Tom as a child and although most of our neighbors were not aware of the folklore, our family refused to let it die."<br />
Long said the origins of Tom Turkey dates back to the Native Americans who told the pilgrims about Tom and the belly full of plenty.<br />
Long said the idea of catching Tom became a childhood obsession.<br />
"My siblings and I would arm ourselves with butcher knives and arrows, spears, guns and whatever else we could find and hide underneath the kitchen table," Long said.<br />
Long even remembers placing a net trap by the kitchen door.<br />
"We only caught my dad as he was making his way for a midnight snack," Long said.<br />
Long said the closest his siblings got was in 1983 when they heard the large stomps of a large clawed figurer.<br />
"We came close," Long said. "We heard him walking which caused all four of us to awake. We came out from beneath the table I shot him as my siblings prepared to hurl their blunt objects at the creature."<br />
Long said the bullet did not him directly just brushed by his side.<br />
"After the shot rang, we heard the longest and loudest gobble gobble imaginable and Tom disappeared right in front of our eyes," Long said. "But a small pile of multicolored feathers were where he once stood."<br />
Long still has the feathers in box he keeps in a bank security deposit box and his childhood home still has the gun shot going through the kitchen wall and into the living room.<br />
Long is preparing for this year with a large bear trap and freshly sharpened knives.<br />
"Some people said the tradition of Tom is long gone because it was all an elaborate lie but I know the truth. How else could those feathers appear?" Long asks. "I believe someday Tom will appear again and a feast beyond your wildest imagination will be had."</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16197805381344531034noreply@blogger.com0