Pope gives new manger scene regulations

LIZZIE BIBBS

Vatican Chronicle

After Pope Benedict XVI’s spoke out against animals being placed in manger scenes a few weeks ago, Benedict is now preparing to hand pamphlets out to Catholic Churches worldwide, on how the manger should be set up.

“The Bible does not say that animals were present at the birth of Jesus,” Benedict said. “There were no cattle or horses. The donkey Mary and Joseph rode in was placed outside. Nobody wants a jackass near them during labor.”

Some have wondered what happened to the animals of the patrons at the inn.

courtesy of www.commons.wikimedia.org
The animals in this manger scene is just the beginning of errors according to 
Pope Benedict XVI.

"God kicked them out," Benedict said. "God had to make room for his son. Besides it's not like animals have souls or anything."

The pope goes further and says all reminisce of snow should also be removed.

“Bethlehem sits on the edge of the Judean Desert. You should place your manger in sand,” Benedict said.

Also Benedict commented on manger scene hay being too clean. Even if Jesus was an easy birth, Mary would have bled.

“She was a virgin giving birth. I may not know too much about the process of giving birth but I do know blood and afterbirth is involved,” Benedict said. “I’ve seen a few movies in my time. It’s never a pretty scene.”

In response to this issue, Vatican will be selling blessed fake blood and bits of placenta to place on the hay of any home, public or church manger scene.

“The splatter of blood and placenta will really bring authenticity to your manger and to Christmas this year,” Benedict said. “Also it should be only blessed blood placed in the manger since it will be the blood of the Blessed Virgin.”

Another major flaw on traditional mangers is most having a whole wall that has been removed. The pope is particularly upset with this as most mangers have four walls not three and an opening.

“They would have been freezing,” Benedict said. “No way did the manger only have three walls. For one thing it would not have been structurally sound and who would place their animal in a three walled building overnight? No one with a brain that’s for sure.”

Finally the pope pointed out there should be no wise men in your manger until at least twelve days after Christmas.

“The wise men were late,” Benedict said. “Doesn’t anyone read their bibles anymore? They should not be in the scene for Christmas.”

Benedict said they can be across the room from the home manger scene or in another area of the park or church or wherever else the manger might be placed but under no circumstance should they appear by Jesus until January 6.

“It’s all about the details,” Benedict said. “How can you truly honor what Christmas is all about if you have all the facts and details wrong in your manger scene?”

Benedict also has a beef with many Christmas carols and will be releasing another pamphlet next week detailing which songs should be left out of your Christmas celebrations.

“There was no drummer boy at the scene of Jesus Christ’s brith,” Benedict said. “No one invites a drummer to see a newborn baby. What are we trying to do scare the son of God mere minutes after birth? He’ll be scared enough in about another 33 years or so.”