LIZZY BIBBS
Washington D.C. Correspondent
The American people will see many changes as the 2012 elections approach. It appears we will no longer have candidates to vote for but rather corporations, organizations and other lobbyists. "We've decided to level with the American people and show them who they are really voting for," David Jepson, the president of the United States' Election Board said.Jepson said the world revolves around the bottom line and the bottom line in politics is which lobbyists can give candidates the most money. Next November as voters head to their booths they will now have a choice between such lobbyists as BP and the National Education Association.
“There will be some dark horses in the races like the Sierra Club and Green Peace but let's be realistic, they'll be lucky to get 5 per cent of the vote,” Jepson said.
Since the Chief Executive Officers of cooperation and heads of associations will be far too busy with their businesses to run the country, they will send representatives on their behalf if elected to a seat.
Congressmen who currently hold positions will keep their seat until their term is up and then they will be replaced by whichever lobbyists wins their vacant position.
“We can't kick out those who are currently in the Congress that would be unconstitutional not to mention a breach of contract,” Jepson said.
Some members of congress are outraged by the new voting conditions, even suggesting protests by the American people.
“It's time for a revolution,” John Kerry said.
Other Congressmen do not seem quite as worried.
“This is the way our country has been moving for quite sometime. This way we don't have to make back door deals. It's all out and in the open,” Rob Portman said.
Protesters stood outside the White House trying to urge President Barrack Obama to do something to stop what they see as the desecration of the United States of America.
“I really wish I could do something to stop this,” Obama said. “Unfortunately this came as a compromise in order for us to move forward with our jobs initiative. This was the best outcome we could asked for.”
Obama said this will be a change for the people but not to worry, the corporations will represent themselves and since they too are the people, they will only have their best interest at hand. He also hinted at possibly staying president if the right corporation is voted into the Oval Office.
“Vote Goldman Sachs in 2012,” Obama said.
There was outrage seen outside of the Capitol. Signs with slogans saying, “My dog is more of a human than your corporations” and “For the PEOPLE by the PEOPLE” loomed over Capitol Hill.
“I can't believe this. What happened to this country?” Elaine Strockhome asked. “I'm getting my visa ready and am applying for dual citizenship in Canada.”
John Boehner smirked at the line of protesters as tears began to run down his face (he later admitted mostly from laughter) and stated they did not know their American politics.
“For the people by the people? Haven't they heard of Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad? The Fourteenth Amendment has clearly been extended to corporations,” Boehner said.
Boehner also stated the 1877 Supreme Court Case of Munn versus Illinois where the Fourteenth Amendment was once again used to defend a corporation as a person of the United States of America and the most recent case of corporations being considered people, the 2010 case Citizens United versus Federal Election Commission.
While some Americans displayed their disapproval, their were others who could not find a flaw in the new rules and proudly supported voting corporations into office.
“Corporations as a people have waited a long time for this day to come,” Rex Tillerson, Exxon Mobile CEO commented at yesterday's press conference. “I think most Americans forget that we're people too.”
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