Friday, October 12, 2012

God said humans are his biggest mistake

Logistical Times

For years the human race has declared God created everything good but God is now saying he has made mistakes in his creation.
“I would say most everything I created is good except for humans,” God said. “Man I really screwed the pooch while making those things.”
God said he would change a few design flaws found on humans if he were to recreate the world again.
“I would cover them in fur,” God said. “There is one thing that I have learned, fur makes any animal cute. Look at a shaved dog, it’s not so appealing but cover that dog in fur and you’ve got Lassie.”
God thought hair would make do for fur but he has now seen it is more maintenance and is weird and patchy.
“Hair is bizarre. I thought it would be nice new design in creation. Boy was I wrong,” God said. “For women it’s this weird ever growing fountain on their head and a nuisance everywhere else and for men it’s their heads and faces. It looks ridiculous.”
However if God could only make one correction, it would be within the human brain.
“Why I gave humans logic is beyond me,” God said. “I mean I gave them the exact tool to dispute me. I should have left them at a mind of three year old.”
God said logic is ruining his life.
“It’s logic that explains evolution and science,” God said. “It’s logic which makes people want to sleep in on Sunday instead of spending at least an hour worshiping me.”
For God, logic is the number one reason people stop believing in him.
“If it wasn’t for logic people would still be doing animal and family sacrifices to me,” God said. “Once logic got into the picture, it was only me who was willing to sacrifice my only son.”
God said when he really thinks about it all, humans are probably his biggest mistake and adding logic to the equation was just adding to the fire of the human race.
“Logic has destroyed me while the lack of logic is destroying my planet,” God said. “I mean many who believe in me also believe in destroying a mountain for a few pieces of carbon. Hey dipshits, those mountains were hard to make. Do you really think I’ll be happy if you destroy them?”
God said logic has put the world in a Catch 22 situation.
“You need to destroy all logic to worship me and therefore all logical ways to stop the planet from deconstructing is only seen as a hippie anti-God campaign,” God said. “I really fucked up with the human race. Giving them opposable thumbs was a big mistake.”
Once the end of the world comes, God said he is looking in investing in a new planet of ignorant dogs.
“Who doesn’t like dogs?” God said. “They’re loyal, cuddly and don’t have any fingers or thumbs. I originally was going to include cats but then I thought who am I kidding, those bastards only worship themselves.”
In conclusion God said he should not have rushed to make the world.
"Can you really create perfection in seven days? I should of taken a month," God said. 

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