Oscar the Grouch speaks of Big Bird in China

LIZZIE BIBBS

Sesame Street Journal

In 1983, Big Bird never knew his diplomatic trip to China would come back to haunt him.

During Tuesday’s presidential debate, Mitt Romney said he would cut funds to PBS in order to stop drawing funds from China.

“I’m not going to keep spending money on things to borrow money from China to pay for it,” Romney said.

Now Big Bird is forced to explain his dealing with the Chinese in the 1980s and just what was he doing on the Great Wall with a little Chinese girl.

Oscar the Grouch is now releasing the footage of Big Bird in China as a way to try and save his job.

Big Bird is seen here on the Great Wall of China in 1983.

“Romney is trying to cut ties with China and we have footage of Big Bird in China shaking hands  and dancing with a monkey king and talking to Chinese schoolchildren,” Grouch said.  “It’s no wonder he’s threatening to take our jobs away.”

Grouch believes Big Bird was making deals with the Chinese in order to fund his national syndicated television show, Sesame Street.

“I don’t have proof of Big Bird’s dealing but how else can you explain our longevity? I never thought the show would last more than two episodes,” Grouch said. “I mean really what do we do? We yell out numbers and letters all damn day. Well here’s a letter of the day for you Big Bird, E for eviction.”

Grouch is also accusing Big Bird of having communistic ties.

“He may not be a red bird, but Big Bird is definitely a communist,” Grouch said.

Grouch said Big Bird went to China in order to fund their regular scheduled program.

“There’s no way we could compete once cable got into the picture,” Brust said. “We needed Chinese funding to keep us in the ratings.”

Grouch has footage of Big Bird traveling throughout the Asian countryside and has released it to the media.

Big Bird released a statement earlier this afternoon saying his trip to China was purely educational and the footage of him in China has been available for years.

“I haven’t been hiding anything,” Big Bird said. “That footage was shown on the television right after I made the trip.”

Grouch says the footage has been altered and edited and he would like an untouched copy.

“That bird is hiding something,” Grouch said.

In the footage, Big Bird is seen learning Chinese and going to Chinese public school.

It seems everyone on Sesame Street was in favor or Big Bird’s trip to China except for Grouch.

“Take my advice don’t eat the rice,” Grouch told Big Bird before he left.

Grouch did not trust the Chinese and did not want to be stuck in any deals with the country.

“I told that dumb bird not to go,” Grouch said. “All I have is a trashcan and I might not even have that if this Romney guy gets elected. Thanks a lot Big Bird.”

Grouch said he is now in survivor mode and it is every muppet for themselves.

“All I want is to ensure I won’t have to go looking for a new trashcan anytime in the near future,” Grouch said. “Go ahead cancel the show but leave my can alone.”

Big Bird said he thinks every culture should be respected and his trip was a way to bridge a gap between China and the United States.

“It’s all communist talk,” Grouch said. “Can you ever really trust a bird of that size? It’s unnatural. Fire the bird keep the guy in the trashcan.”